As of November 2013 I started up my life coaching practice yet again, only this time I will be servicing the Salt Lake Metro Region. In an effort to re-brand myself I will be moving this website to my new website, rdccoach.blogspot.com. The articles that are available for you to read on this website will slowly be taken down and moved (as well as expanded) to my new website.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

How to not waste time and simply advance with good relationships

In October I wrote an article that I wanted to expand on: ”Don’t Give Up, Relationships Take Time”
As is evident by the title, relationships take time to develop. How do you equate time into a relationship?

There are essentially two types of relationships: short-term relationships and long-term relationships.
In a short-term relationship, it is expected by one or both parties that the two individuals will not be sticking around over time. That means that either they will be moving away or they don’t necessarily care about remaining in contact.
Certain businesses maintain short-term relationships in which the sale is for a one-time purchase, such as a real estate agent. They remain in close contact with you until they sell your property and then they leave after getting paid. Or perhaps you’ve worked on a group project before but you had no desire to remain in contact with the rest of your group after the project was finished.—Both are examples of respectable short-term relationships.

Long-term relationships are relationships that are intended to last forever—although that isn’t always the case. There are many things that can cause a long-term relationship to end; one big cause of a dead relationship is the lack of time or effort devoted to it. In order to maintain a long-term relationship, you will need to constantly devote time and energy to the other person. When you fail to contribute time to the relationship, instead of being a long-term relationship, it will end unintentionally premature, or merely as a short-term relationship.

There are essentially three states to every long and short relationship: dead, alive, and doing great! Dead relationships are non-existent; they’re in a state similar to those that you don’t have relationships with. Relationships that are alive are barely better than the ones that are dead. You might have a reasonable reason for this, such as the geographic distance, but in essence, just because a relationship is alive doesn’t mean you can necessarily rely on that individual to be around when you need them. Relationships that are “doing great” are the best kinds of relationships; they are close enough to you that you can count on them and you trust them—but they also take the most time and devotion. The relationships that you enjoy the most are the ones that are “doing great” and the ones that you have problems with frequently are the ones that are just “alive”.

Again: Relationships take constant time and nurturing to stay alive.

Back to the initial question posed at the beginning of this article, “How do you equate time into a relationship?” The following are a few good ideas to keep your relationships alive, to resuscitate a dead relationship, and to jolt your current relationships to make them better:
An email or other message
Electronic messages are casual ways to stay in contact with people. If you haven’t talked to someone in a while that you would like to, sending a brief message lets them know that they are on your mind.
A text message
Try sending a brief text message to start up a conversation with an old friend. If they don’t have time to talk, or they don’t feel like talking to you then you won’t intrude on them or make matters worse when they don’t respond back.
A thoughtful card or letter
With the holidays happening this month, now is an excellent time to send a card to your old friends or romantic interests. This is a non-intrusive way to revive old friendships or to keep them alive.
A phone call
Phone calls are one of the easiest ways to boost your current relationships. They can also keep relationships alive that are barely afloat. However, you should be cautious about making phone calls during times that the other person is busy. Making too many phone calls can also become annoying or burdensome on the other person.






A date
Depending on circumstances, asking someone on a date can really boost your standing with them. Surprisingly, most people are not asked on dates as frequently as they would like. Be careful with this as not everyone will want to go on a date with you when you first ask them. Simply put, if you continually find yourself asking a specific person on a date and he or she turns you down, there is a significant likelihood that he or she doesn’t want to go on a date with you.
A trip/vacation together
Later on in a relationship, it is appropriate for you to go on a trip with the other person (camping trip, road trip, cruise, etc.). This is a good time to bond because of how lengthy it is; however, it also takes a lot of commitment. You might be able to convince an old friend of yours who you haven’t seen in ages to come with you on a cruise or getaway, but don’t get your hopes up about going on a trip with someone who your relationship with is completely dead. (though you might luck out at the prospect of paying for their way. If you do try something like this, you will need to watch out for freeloaders, as they usually aren’t that fun to have a relationship with.)

Last of all, the best tactic you can use to keep your relationships alive and growing closer together with the rest of them is to be thankful. Watch for opportunities to tell the people you care about that you appreciate them. No one has an unlimited amount of time to devote to all the people they care about, but expressing thanks can go a long way for the time that you can’t spend together.

If you want to have friends or if you want to have a relationship with someone, whether it’s with your family or some guy or girl you like, you will need to devote time to the relationship if you want it to succeed, and if you want a better relationship with someone, just try any of the above.

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