It starts out simple enough: a guy lacks female interaction for a lengthy period of time [take for instance those who join the military, or serve a mission and spend most of their time without women] and then finally returns home and is looked up to by the opposite sex and given excess amounts of attention. Or perhaps a young lady who is not used to getting attention from guys [or a specific type of guy] suddenly has one shows interest in her. Both the male and female reactions to the above situations are the same: their brains shuts off and emotions take over.
You might find this humorous, but situations like these trigger three specific responses in your brain: 1) Critical thoughts are shut off. 2) Judgment is impaired and decision making skills are skewed. 3) The individual feels an overwhelming level of excitement and euphoria. I describe this as “brain dead behavior” and although it has its benefits, there are also many problems to this behavior. It is a part of infatuation and passion, which people will often confuse with "love". And many love and romance films have been produced about characters who go into this “brain dead” state; but have you ever realized how frequently this happens in real life; maybe it’s even happened to you?
Not everything is bad about this behavior, if we didn’t have this triggered response, falling in love would not be as great or exciting as everyone claims it is. It brightens your life and helps you feel optimistic and hopeful. It gives you a desire to have more of this emotion, which in turn helps you to care for (& develop love for) the other person. Since the beginning of your relationship sets the foundation for the rest of the relationship, having the subconscious ability to shut off your brain allows you to more easily get comfortable with another person and proceed with the important matters of your relationship without interference. It is one of many survival tactics that our human body comes pre-programed with to help us continue socializing even when times are bad.
But understanding the negative side effects of brain dead behavior, and the ability to recognize when it is happening, can help you have a more successful dating life. First, it can help you by keeping you away from unwanted relationships and second, by not entering into relationships before you have the proper foundation in place that will help the relationship last.
The following are symptoms that maybe you have had before:
1) Critical thoughts are shut off – When you first experience this feeling for another individual, your brain finds it very easy to overlook obvious negative aspects of the other person. It can lead you to overlook mental, emotional, and physical flaws that, under normal situations, neither you, nor your friends and family, would see as acceptable flaws.
Take for instance an abusive relationship; when you brain shuts off, you believe that you are going to be perfectly happy with the way things turn out in the future only to later realize all of the verbal or physical abuse that you are bearing in the relationship and you have no way out.
2) Judgment is impaired and decision making skills are skewed – You will find yourself engaging in bizarre behavior that is not healthy for you emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually.
You might stop spending time with your friends which will ultimately cause you emotional damage when you no longer have regular friends, or it can cause you to turn against your family. Physically, you could deprive yourself of food or exercise simply because you would rather spend time with this person (who is the cause of your brain death). Mentally, you might find yourself losing focus at work or school because you would rather think about your developing relationship, which in turn causes other problems. Spiritually, you can be led to commit serious sins simply because they don’t seem as bad when you are "in love". *(But what you are really feeling is one form of passion.)
--I know, all of this sounds pretty extreme, but being “brain dead” is THAT powerful and surprisingly it causes all of these problems on a regular basis to most of the world.
3) Being overwhelmed by euphoria and excitement – Although it sounds wonderful to be this happy, it can cause you a few unforeseen problems when the feelings end. Later down the road when your relationship has progressed and the feelings have ebbed, you might sense that “something is missing” in your relationship or that the “excitement” just isn’t there.-–Obviously this is because at that point you will have finally snapped out of the brain dead behavior.
The problem with this is that it can lead you into thinking that you NEED to build excitement in your relationship or else you won’t be happy with one another.--But you don't NEED excitement in a relationship as long as you care for one another--It can lead you into ultimately separating from one another because you think the "magic" is missing, or it can lead you into pursuing addictive behaviors that only temporarily allows you to feel "excitement" and thereby force you to always be looking for exciting things you can try.
Yet another side effect that this euphoric feeling can create is that if your relationship ends, then the extreme high that you get on from your brain turning off will become an extreme low as your body realizes that you can no longer have those feelings.—-in other words it makes you feel and plants thoughts in you mind like "I'll never find someone like them again" or, "My soul mate doesn't exist".
A word for the wise:
Remember that success is how you define it; failure is the opposite of success. Failure can cause you to lose hope and feel as though you will never succeed. It is good to set goals and to define what success is to you. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR GOALS AND DREAMS. The reason I point this out is that when you become brain dead, it is easy for you to “settle” for the person, or with their poor behavior because of the psychological feelings you are getting from the relationship. It can cause you to forget about marriage and settle for a live-in relationship because of the confusion it puts you in. It can also cause you to lose hope of ever having a loving spouse and family and from becoming happy; and once the feelings abate you might become “trapped” in a poor relationship.
Going brain dead can cause you to abandon other relationships because you assume that you have found “the one” when in reality you are selling yourself short. It can even cause you to lower your standards (called “settling”) in order to make yourself feel as though you have obtained some success in your dating life. Ask yourself: is this really the person of your dreams, or is it just your body telling you that you are tired of looking for something better?
Be wise about who you are building relationships with and in what way they are developing. The more control you have over yourself, the easier it will be to ensure that your relationships progress towards what you really want, and need to have, and not just what your body tells you.
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