As of November 2013 I started up my life coaching practice yet again, only this time I will be servicing the Salt Lake Metro Region. In an effort to re-brand myself I will be moving this website to my new website, The articles that are available for you to read on this website will slowly be taken down and moved (as well as expanded) to my new website.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Tricks for Having a Good Self Esteem

One of the most important possessions you can own is a healthy self-esteem. Self-esteem, known by several names, is defined as how you perceive yourself. If you have a high self-esteem that would mean that you value yourself very well. Some people use the term self-worth. If you have a low self-worth, you feel like you aren’t worth very much in the world.
A healthy self-esteem is one in which you are comfortable with whatever life throws at you. You are generally positive, and you respect other people. If you have a healthy self-esteem, you are not ashamed of yourself or the things you have no control over, but you enjoy yourself the way you are. People with healthy self-esteems are more confident, less prone to sudden emotional shifts, and have a greater sense of fulfillment with their lives.
You might notice how often the word “self” comes up when describing self-esteem. This is because it relates to who you are as an individual. It also affects every aspect of your life. Let me repeat that: The way your perceive yourself affects every aspect of your life. This is very important because the area in which it has most effect is that of the social relationships that you establish.

If you have a poor self-esteem you will do one of two things: be embarrassed, shy, or awkward when around other people, or you will mistreat other people. I will explain both of these tendencies, but before I do I need to establish an eternal principle:
God created all of us equally; we all have the same potential, we can all obtain the same things in life if we choose. God also created each of us uniquely; no one is exactly the same as someone else. This is where difference comes from. Some people might have challenges with a task that another individual might find relatively easy. That is perfectly okay. You will eventually find in life that although there are certain individuals who are amazing bicyclists, each one of them fell many times before they were able to ride on their own. –Each one of them was once at a level where you are now, but because of hard work and determination it comes easy for them now.

People with low self-esteem might feel awkward or shy or embarrassed when they are around other people who they think are superior to them. Although it is a natural response, it can be overcome. Feelings of inadequacy always come from Satan. He will always try to make you feel miserable. When you have a low self-esteem it can easily prevent you from making friends and finding happiness with those friends.
There is an interesting effect in life which has been portrayed by Hyrum Smith, the motivational speaker, which he describes as “The Crab Theory”. The theory goes like this: if you put two equal, lowly crabs in a box, one will try to climb out, will make it nearly to the top, and then the other crab will climb up to pull it back down into the box. Neither crab will escape from the box. The same is true with people who have a low self-worth. This too is caused by Satan; he wants you to be miserable like he is.
Some people who have a low self-esteem will try to drag you down in order to make you equal or inferior to them. I’m sure everyone has experienced this before. The truth is that when you engage in put-downs or jealousy or revenge, or whatever name you would like to call it, you will never be superior. This is caused by what I call the downer cycle: When you bring somebody down, Satan will make you feel even worse about yourself. While the person you just brought down might be at the level you are, you will eventually feel worse about yourself than you did before and be lower than they are. This is a dangerous cycle because you will try it again and again to attempt to bring yourself out of the hole you are digging.

On the flip side, people who have high self-esteems are comfortable in the presence of those who are better than they are. No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone better than you are. You might be the gold medalist, but you likely have weaknesses that others don’t have. Again, that is okay.

So where does self-worth come from? One might say that it is through personal accomplishment, and although that might be part of it, it is definitely not the big picture. –There are many people who have done nothing outstanding and yet they are comfortable around people better than they are. If your life is based on the accomplishments you have made with your own hands, you have gravely missed the picture.
Self-esteem comes from living the gospel and having the firm knowledge that you are a child of God who loves and cares about you. Living the gospel will prevent Satan from succeeding at pulling you down in the mire. Knowing that you are a child of God, and that he loves you and wants you to succeed at everything you strive for will give you a great self-worth. You must base your self-worth on eternal principles.

Remember the downer cycle? It is often the case that people who get stuck in the downer cycle feel hopeless and as though all is lost. It causes you to sin more often (also a part of the cycle) and occasionally it will lead you into causing others to sin around you.
However, there is Hope.

A great part of why people have a low self-esteem is because of the little sins in their life that stack up and weigh them down, so the first step to building up your self-esteem is to repent of your sins and transgressions. Sometimes this can be a very hard thing, other times it is a very simple thing.

The second step to building up your self-worth is to cut out any negative thoughts or words from your daily conversation. Replace them with positive things. This applies not only to when you talk about yourself, but also when you talk about other people. You tend to believe the things that are said about you, and you tend to trust yourself more than other people, so if you are constantly telling yourself that you aren’t handsome enough or you’re fat, or that you’re ugly, you will start to believe them and it will hurt your self-esteem. If instead, you tell yourself positive things and you motivate yourself, you will start to believe that you are in fact an attractive young man or woman. So what’s the difference between talking well of yourself and talking well of other people? –Back to the downer cycle.
If you lift other people up, they will eventually lift you up. This is the positive cycle. Whereas before you might have brought someone down, if you lift them up, it will make you feel better about yourself. Many statistics show that people who are charitable and helpful to other people typically have greater health than those who do not. There is a power in being optimistic and positive. Even when you lift someone up and don’t receive the favor in return, God, who sees all and has all power, will reward you for your good deeds.

The third step to having a powerful self-esteem is to strive daily to be a better person. This seems like an unrelated step, but in actuality, when you have a purpose driven life, even if it is merely for self-improvement, you will feel more confident and comfortable with the way you are.

This topic has always been a big deal to me. I have seen the lives of many people ruined because of poor self-esteem. I have also seen many people who I love and respect and look up to dearly, rise above a poor self-esteem and change their life around. It is an amazing thing to me.
In the scriptures we are promised of a day when Satan will have no power on earth. –That day will come, but before we are ready for that day, we will all need to have a healthy self-esteem. We will all need to do our part to prevent Satan from dragging us or others down.

Do not get discouraged when others mock you or when they, like the crabs, try to pull you back into the box, they, more than you, need your love at this time. Out of the two of you, they have the worse self-esteem. –I don’t believe in chance, chance is when God presents things to you in order to bless you or give you a trial to prove yourself.—next time someone makes fun of you, or tries to bring you down or tell you that your ideas and opinions are stupid, try to bring them up, help them see that there is a better way in life and that people really do care about them.

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