Hello all!
I've been mulling this over for a few weeks and I think it's time to take some action. I have recently relocated and have stabilized my life enough that I can start up my life coaching practice again here in Salt Lake City, UT. I will make myself available after 6PM Monday-Thursday for scheduled appointments of 1 hr blocks of time. I'm also going to make my services more affordable, for the time being--and maybe even indefinitely--my normal rate will be $20/hr and I will consider pro-bono and discounted work.
I used to be a life coach in Logan, UT doing business as Dating Zion back in 2011. My old blog/website will remain available for the time being however, I am in the process of merging my old life-coaching site and a new website, RDC Coaching, and will eventually take the old website (Dating Zion) down.
RDC Coaching stands for Relationship, Dating, and Conflict Coaching. As a life coach I will be specializing in helping others build strong relationships, thrive in the dating field, and effectively resolve conflicts with other people. I use a 5 step program to guide clients through changing their life, relationships, and resolving conflicts. First, we define success; second, we establish goals and manage risks; third, we develop a plan; fourth, we carry out that plan; and fifth, we close out our coaching when you are ready to stop and have accomplished your goals.
Please check out my new website and, if you can, comment; I hope I can make an impact on your life and that I can be a benefit to you.
Regards,
Kyle Oakeson, CAPM
Life Coach
RDC Coaching
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Foundations Episode 13
Recap: Feeling sorry for yourself, thinking about and complaining about your problems isn't going to help you improve your situation.
You have to get out there and focus on fixing your situation.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
What your Parents and Friends Say
Simple Truth:
Everyone wants their parents to accept the person that they ultimately marry. Parents too, want you, more than anything, to marry someone that they approve of. That is why, while growing up, your parents as well as others who desired your well-being, would tell you things about what they expect from the person you marry. “Marry someone with money,” “You better make sure she isn’t two-faced,” “He should hold open the door for you,” etc.
The problem with the comments and requests that others give you, is that they are not your requirements. Although your parents and friends and neighbors may have good intentions, it is good actions that matter in the scheme of life, not the good intentions behind them. The only person who can accurately make decisions for you, is you. Although your friends and family may think they know what is best for you, only you can make that decision.
Finding a spouse is not something other people can help you with. In order to mature and grow, and thereby develop yourself into marriage material, you will need to develop habits of self-confidence and trust. You will need to learn how to make decisions on your own without the aid of other people. When you get married, you cannot run home to mommy and daddy every time you run into relationship problems. Your neighbors, friends, and religious adviser are your last resort for relationship problems.--The only person who you can accurately rely on is yourself, and therefore, developing your own decision making skills is an absolute must. When you are actually married, if you run into problems with your spouse, how do you think your spouse would respond to you turning to your old friends to complain about her or him? Do you think that your best friend has the ability to persuade your husband or wife to join your side of a argument any better than you do?
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t trust the things that your parents or friends say about someone who you are getting serious with. There are times when your brain quits working because you are overwhelmed with chemicals, and these things can cause you to not think clearly and even get into hazardous situations. Having a second pair of eyes is a good thing in that case because it can help you to come to your senses. However, you always need to take everything that other people say with a grain of salt. They do not know you as well as you do, and although they may want certain things for you, you need to realize whether the things they want for you are going to fulfill your needs.
Families are especially active in telling you what you should and should not expect out of a spouse.—they have lived with you the longest and probably think they know you the best.--But families also have their own agendas. What I mean is that families start with specific goals in mind: Two couples come together with goals and plans that they want to fulfill in life and work towards. You were a part of their plan; after you were born they made plans to sustain you and to help you grow. But when once you reach marriageable age, in a sense, they fulfilled their responsibility to you. Many parents are nice and love you so much that they continue to sustain and help you, but looking at the natural processes of things, you are very much on your own the moment you are old enough to get married.
The reason for this is simple: Just like your parents took risks and ventured off on their own and ultimately got married, so too must you do the same in order to perpetuate the cycle. You need to get married so that you may have children, continue learning and growing, and ultimately accomplish your purpose in life. You can do none of these things without being married. And you aren’t merely expected to do these things. You are REQUIRED to do these things. You have an obligation to your Heavenly Father and to your earthly parents to get married. Why do I say that? Because what would the purpose of your parent’s lives be in having children, if those children did not grow up and become like them? Having children isn’t merely a fun thing to do, it isn’t merely so that they can have companionship. It is to perpetuate a long-lasting cycle that has continued for thousands of years and thousands of generations. You are obligated to get married and form your own “family” simply because you were born.
But to protect the family from rebellious, outside influences, families have a way of making their own patterns, behaviors and beliefs that control the processes in the marriage cycle. Sometimes these patterns are for good, such as making sure that you do not marry someone who will abuse you and limit your potential. At other times, these things can have negative effects, such as preventing you from getting married entirely. No one is perfect, and these cultural behaviors are designed by imperfect people, so you need to take these with a grain of salt as well.
The whole objective of this article is to help you realize that you need to think for yourself. No one can choose a husband or wife for you; it is something you need to do on your own. And trust me, if you do this, you will be much more satisfied with the relationship that you develop from the situation. Don’t let your friends or family dissuaded you from your decisions. Whether those decisions are to leave or to stay, you need to take accountability for them, because if you constantly rely on other people to make your decisions or to prevent you from doing things that you might regret, then how will you ever learn to make decisions on your own?
As I have said numerous times: Relationships require risks. If you don’t put anything on the line (whether it’s personal dignity or possibility of regret) then you will never learn, never improve your relationship abilities, and never have that dream relationship that you have always wanted.
That’s what Dating Zion is all about: helping you to realize what you will have to do in order to have your dream relationship. If you have any questions about what I have said in this article, or if your mind is so blown right now from what I said and you realize that you need to make some changes in your life, please let me know either by commenting below or emailing me right now ( consultdz@live.com ). I am always trying to improve this website and enlarge the understanding of its audience, so I would LOVE to get some input from you! …Thanks!
Everyone wants their parents to accept the person that they ultimately marry. Parents too, want you, more than anything, to marry someone that they approve of. That is why, while growing up, your parents as well as others who desired your well-being, would tell you things about what they expect from the person you marry. “Marry someone with money,” “You better make sure she isn’t two-faced,” “He should hold open the door for you,” etc.
The problem with the comments and requests that others give you, is that they are not your requirements. Although your parents and friends and neighbors may have good intentions, it is good actions that matter in the scheme of life, not the good intentions behind them. The only person who can accurately make decisions for you, is you. Although your friends and family may think they know what is best for you, only you can make that decision.
Finding a spouse is not something other people can help you with. In order to mature and grow, and thereby develop yourself into marriage material, you will need to develop habits of self-confidence and trust. You will need to learn how to make decisions on your own without the aid of other people. When you get married, you cannot run home to mommy and daddy every time you run into relationship problems. Your neighbors, friends, and religious adviser are your last resort for relationship problems.--The only person who you can accurately rely on is yourself, and therefore, developing your own decision making skills is an absolute must. When you are actually married, if you run into problems with your spouse, how do you think your spouse would respond to you turning to your old friends to complain about her or him? Do you think that your best friend has the ability to persuade your husband or wife to join your side of a argument any better than you do?
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t trust the things that your parents or friends say about someone who you are getting serious with. There are times when your brain quits working because you are overwhelmed with chemicals, and these things can cause you to not think clearly and even get into hazardous situations. Having a second pair of eyes is a good thing in that case because it can help you to come to your senses. However, you always need to take everything that other people say with a grain of salt. They do not know you as well as you do, and although they may want certain things for you, you need to realize whether the things they want for you are going to fulfill your needs.
Families are especially active in telling you what you should and should not expect out of a spouse.—they have lived with you the longest and probably think they know you the best.--But families also have their own agendas. What I mean is that families start with specific goals in mind: Two couples come together with goals and plans that they want to fulfill in life and work towards. You were a part of their plan; after you were born they made plans to sustain you and to help you grow. But when once you reach marriageable age, in a sense, they fulfilled their responsibility to you. Many parents are nice and love you so much that they continue to sustain and help you, but looking at the natural processes of things, you are very much on your own the moment you are old enough to get married.
The reason for this is simple: Just like your parents took risks and ventured off on their own and ultimately got married, so too must you do the same in order to perpetuate the cycle. You need to get married so that you may have children, continue learning and growing, and ultimately accomplish your purpose in life. You can do none of these things without being married. And you aren’t merely expected to do these things. You are REQUIRED to do these things. You have an obligation to your Heavenly Father and to your earthly parents to get married. Why do I say that? Because what would the purpose of your parent’s lives be in having children, if those children did not grow up and become like them? Having children isn’t merely a fun thing to do, it isn’t merely so that they can have companionship. It is to perpetuate a long-lasting cycle that has continued for thousands of years and thousands of generations. You are obligated to get married and form your own “family” simply because you were born.
But to protect the family from rebellious, outside influences, families have a way of making their own patterns, behaviors and beliefs that control the processes in the marriage cycle. Sometimes these patterns are for good, such as making sure that you do not marry someone who will abuse you and limit your potential. At other times, these things can have negative effects, such as preventing you from getting married entirely. No one is perfect, and these cultural behaviors are designed by imperfect people, so you need to take these with a grain of salt as well.
The whole objective of this article is to help you realize that you need to think for yourself. No one can choose a husband or wife for you; it is something you need to do on your own. And trust me, if you do this, you will be much more satisfied with the relationship that you develop from the situation. Don’t let your friends or family dissuaded you from your decisions. Whether those decisions are to leave or to stay, you need to take accountability for them, because if you constantly rely on other people to make your decisions or to prevent you from doing things that you might regret, then how will you ever learn to make decisions on your own?
As I have said numerous times: Relationships require risks. If you don’t put anything on the line (whether it’s personal dignity or possibility of regret) then you will never learn, never improve your relationship abilities, and never have that dream relationship that you have always wanted.
That’s what Dating Zion is all about: helping you to realize what you will have to do in order to have your dream relationship. If you have any questions about what I have said in this article, or if your mind is so blown right now from what I said and you realize that you need to make some changes in your life, please let me know either by commenting below or emailing me right now ( consultdz@live.com ). I am always trying to improve this website and enlarge the understanding of its audience, so I would LOVE to get some input from you! …Thanks!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Hurt People, Hurt People
This article has been rewritten in several podcasts (with summaries) on my other blog:
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Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Foundations Video Series
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This is my introductory video to the "Building A Foundation for a Great Relationship" video series (I'll refer to it as the "Foundations" video series). Just to recap: if you're between 18-28 then this video series is going to be perfect for you. I'll be posting a new episode each week for the next 15 weeks (there are 16 episodes in all and Episode 1 is already available to you below). In this video series I want to teach you that: Relationships are different from what you thought they were in high school, I want you to be motivated after this series to get out there into the dating world and to start working for your dreams, and I want you to realize that there are steps involved in building a relationship, as well as what those steps are |
And if you don't want to wait for the end of the series, or you want to gain access to the bonus episode, click here to go to my video series details page.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
How comparing yourself to others affects your relationships
This week’s article is on a subject I feel everyone can relate to: Comparing ourselves to other people and how it relates to our relationships with others. I’m sure you have experienced it before, when your friend gets blessed with something in life and you feel like they don’t deserve it. Or you wish that you were as successful as someone else.--You wish you had a boyfriend/girlfriend like all of the other people your age.--You want to feel loved by another person and have those passionate feelings for someone else. But comparing yourself to other people is bad because it limits you from reaching YOUR potential.
Here, let me explain:
Everyone is different, everyone is unique. No two people experience the exact same life or go through the same ups and downs. Our lives are carefully guided by the creator who desires for us to reach our potential and continue learning and growing. You will experience specific situations that only YOU could grow from, and they will happen at a time when you need to learn those lessons the most. You may be given trials or hurdles that you need to overcome, or you may be given barriers that prevent you from advancing at the present time. But these things are for your benefit. And they may be things that others never have to experience, but guess what? –That’s the beauty of this life: Your life is YOUR life.
The relationships in your life can be severely affected by your perceived need to be equal to others around you. After all, you fill your sphere with people who are supposedly at the same level as you are, right? Not necessarily. You fill your life with people who may share commonalities in personality, and have similar interests, but that doesn’t mean that they are on the same level as you are. We’re talking about maturity. Even as an adult, you will find that not all adults are on the same level of maturity as you are. Again, this goes back to life experiences.
We are shaped in life by the situations we are put into. Imagine your most challenging experiences in life and picture what your life would be like if you didn’t have to go through them, would you be the same as you are today?
So how does all of this relate to comparing ourselves to others?
When you compare yourself to other people and feel as though you need to be doing the same things as they are, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, traveling the world, moving away from home, buying a house, going to school, etc. You set yourself up to miss the important aspects of having these things in order to 'measure up' to your peers. There is an old saying that illuminates this principle: “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” –Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is good, but merely having one to say you have one misses the point. Traveling the world can be fun and grand, but if all you do is go to the location, take a few pictures to brag about it later, and then return home unchanged, you have missed the mark on why traveling is so exciting. Moving away from home can grant you a lot of freedom, but it also comes with responsibilities and if you are not prepared for them you can get into a lot of trouble. –I think I have made myself clear: Just because others are doing it does not mean it is right for you.
The opposite can be true as well: just because others are NOT doing it, does not mean that it is right for you. When others are postponing marriage or choosing to not attend additional schooling, etc. you still need to decide for yourself what is right for you.
But how does all of this relate to having good relationships???
Good relationships are not an end result. In other words, you can’t merely arrive at a good relationship one day. Having a good relationship is a constant process, it is the “journey”. In order to have a good relationship with someone, you both need to be heading in the right direction—you need to be working towards the same things. If you are heading in one direction, and the other person is heading in the other, then you really aren’t going anywhere together—you’re just brushing paths occasionally!
Being specific: When you are out to have a relationship with someone just so that you can say that you are dating someone, and they agree to date you thinking in their mind that the two of you could have something special going on, then you both aren’t heading in the same direction. He or she is heading towards the settling down stage and you are heading towards impressing/pleasing those around you who wonder why you are not dating anyone.
Remember that the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. Just because your friends are getting married, or because they all have girlfriends and boyfriends, that does not mean that you are ready to do so. Maturity is crucial here.
Yes, you should be working towards getting married because it is as much a part of life as moving away from home is; but you should not get into a relationship just because other people are getting into them or merely because you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Instead, you should get into a relationship because you have found someone who you can spend eternity with.
Marriage isn’t a destination, just like a relationship isn’t a destination; it is a part of your journey through life. You will need the assistance of another individual in order to continue progressing, growing, and reaching new levels in life.—No one is meant to go alone through life, you will need someone to help you meet specific challenges head-on and overcome trials. This isn’t something you can simply “obtain” or “reach”, it is a continual process. In order to have a good relationship, you will need to continually nourish that relationship. Just like a plant cannot continue to grow and will likely die without your support in feeding it water and sunlight, in order to have a good relationship you need to continually nourish the relationship because without nourishment, it will fade away and die.
So next time you see your friends and peers doing things that you wish you could be doing and you start to compare yourself to them wishing desperately that you could have the things that they have, or do the things they do, just remember: they are at a different level than you are (they may even be at a lower level and you have grown passed such things), and they are on a different path than you are—you’re heading where you need to go, and they are heading where they need to go.
If you make the effort to look for it, you will find that there are plenty of the opposite sex heading in exactly the same direction as you are (progression wise), you just might need to take a side-quest or an alternate route in your journey in order to compensate for them so that you can continue your journey together.
Here, let me explain:
Everyone is different, everyone is unique. No two people experience the exact same life or go through the same ups and downs. Our lives are carefully guided by the creator who desires for us to reach our potential and continue learning and growing. You will experience specific situations that only YOU could grow from, and they will happen at a time when you need to learn those lessons the most. You may be given trials or hurdles that you need to overcome, or you may be given barriers that prevent you from advancing at the present time. But these things are for your benefit. And they may be things that others never have to experience, but guess what? –That’s the beauty of this life: Your life is YOUR life.
The relationships in your life can be severely affected by your perceived need to be equal to others around you. After all, you fill your sphere with people who are supposedly at the same level as you are, right? Not necessarily. You fill your life with people who may share commonalities in personality, and have similar interests, but that doesn’t mean that they are on the same level as you are. We’re talking about maturity. Even as an adult, you will find that not all adults are on the same level of maturity as you are. Again, this goes back to life experiences.
We are shaped in life by the situations we are put into. Imagine your most challenging experiences in life and picture what your life would be like if you didn’t have to go through them, would you be the same as you are today?
So how does all of this relate to comparing ourselves to others?
When you compare yourself to other people and feel as though you need to be doing the same things as they are, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, traveling the world, moving away from home, buying a house, going to school, etc. You set yourself up to miss the important aspects of having these things in order to 'measure up' to your peers. There is an old saying that illuminates this principle: “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” –Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is good, but merely having one to say you have one misses the point. Traveling the world can be fun and grand, but if all you do is go to the location, take a few pictures to brag about it later, and then return home unchanged, you have missed the mark on why traveling is so exciting. Moving away from home can grant you a lot of freedom, but it also comes with responsibilities and if you are not prepared for them you can get into a lot of trouble. –I think I have made myself clear: Just because others are doing it does not mean it is right for you.
The opposite can be true as well: just because others are NOT doing it, does not mean that it is right for you. When others are postponing marriage or choosing to not attend additional schooling, etc. you still need to decide for yourself what is right for you.
But how does all of this relate to having good relationships???
Good relationships are not an end result. In other words, you can’t merely arrive at a good relationship one day. Having a good relationship is a constant process, it is the “journey”. In order to have a good relationship with someone, you both need to be heading in the right direction—you need to be working towards the same things. If you are heading in one direction, and the other person is heading in the other, then you really aren’t going anywhere together—you’re just brushing paths occasionally!
Being specific: When you are out to have a relationship with someone just so that you can say that you are dating someone, and they agree to date you thinking in their mind that the two of you could have something special going on, then you both aren’t heading in the same direction. He or she is heading towards the settling down stage and you are heading towards impressing/pleasing those around you who wonder why you are not dating anyone.
Remember that the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. Just because your friends are getting married, or because they all have girlfriends and boyfriends, that does not mean that you are ready to do so. Maturity is crucial here.
Yes, you should be working towards getting married because it is as much a part of life as moving away from home is; but you should not get into a relationship just because other people are getting into them or merely because you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Instead, you should get into a relationship because you have found someone who you can spend eternity with.
Marriage isn’t a destination, just like a relationship isn’t a destination; it is a part of your journey through life. You will need the assistance of another individual in order to continue progressing, growing, and reaching new levels in life.—No one is meant to go alone through life, you will need someone to help you meet specific challenges head-on and overcome trials. This isn’t something you can simply “obtain” or “reach”, it is a continual process. In order to have a good relationship, you will need to continually nourish that relationship. Just like a plant cannot continue to grow and will likely die without your support in feeding it water and sunlight, in order to have a good relationship you need to continually nourish the relationship because without nourishment, it will fade away and die.
So next time you see your friends and peers doing things that you wish you could be doing and you start to compare yourself to them wishing desperately that you could have the things that they have, or do the things they do, just remember: they are at a different level than you are (they may even be at a lower level and you have grown passed such things), and they are on a different path than you are—you’re heading where you need to go, and they are heading where they need to go.
If you make the effort to look for it, you will find that there are plenty of the opposite sex heading in exactly the same direction as you are (progression wise), you just might need to take a side-quest or an alternate route in your journey in order to compensate for them so that you can continue your journey together.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Dealing with and Dating Obnoxious Men and Women
This article has moved to my new site: http://rdccoach.blogspot.com/
Check out the new articles :
and
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Advice On Short-Term Relationships
In an effort to merge this website with my new life coaching website, I rewrote this article and published it over there in two articles:
If you've already read the article that I had posted here, go read them both, particularly The Relationship Classification Guide since most of that article is new material.
(click to be redirected)
and
If you've already read the article that I had posted here, go read them both, particularly The Relationship Classification Guide since most of that article is new material.
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