Forming close and exclusive relationships is a necessary aspect of life. You have instilled in you the desire to develop trust with other people and draw closer to them; you WANT to trust people before you share things with them (e.g. physical providence, information, intimacy, etc.). As you develop this trust, you are making these subconscious connections and continually defining your relationship with the other person.
Getting into and forming exclusive relationships (or relationships that allow certain privileges to the other person) can be hard; all it takes is the sheer fact that there is always someone better out to tempt you to postpone forming excusive relationships on the hope that you will find such a person. It is natural to feel uneasy about forming a specific type of relationship; after all, you do not really trust that person at that level until you are actually IN that type of relationship. You have to take calculated risks in order to understand whether or not the other person is to be trusted. This is why relationships take time to develop; there needs to be significant “proof” that the other person has passed specific tests before their relationship can advance (i.e. before you can invest more trust in them and draw closer to them).
Courting is a specific type of relationship in which you both agree to not investigate other people but to instead focus solely on one another. The reason for this relationship’s existence is to test each other’s level of trust; it is to prove to one another that you can handle monogamous life together. Courting allows you to invest more and more into the other person without the fear that they will take advantage of your hospitality. It also opens the door for an entirely new level of understanding about the other person. It makes you aware of and sensitive to their well-being, and when courting is done properly, you begin to learn ways in which you can fulfill their needs and help them overcome intimate challenges. You begin to love (or care) about them at a greater level. Courting leads directly to marriage.
Remember though, that in order to begin courting someone, you need to take a calculated risk. If you want to progress into a marriage relationship, you will have to pass through the courting stage; after all, marriage is also a calculated risk (your calculations are based on performance during the courting stage).
You have nothing to fear about entering into regular relationships; you also have nothing to fear about entering into close relationships. The entire “relationship system” is designed to slowly allow others to be tested for their level of trust and loyalty. When the proper time arises (e.g. you subconsciously notice that an individual has proven their loyalty) that you can form a more close relationship (even from being acquaintances to being friends) you should take the risk. When you do not take the risk, your relationship gets put on stand still; you are essentially consciously overriding the natural mechanisms that are psychologically in place to HELP you form good relationships.
However, when a person fails to pass certain trust and loyalty tests, you are prompted to consciously resolve the situation, either by moving further away from that person and retracting some of your trust in them, or to completely abandon them depending on the seriousness of their failure. By paying attention to various signs of trust built into your relationship with any individual and on occasion consciously testing that person, you can minimize the seriousness of their failure.
Communication is crucial to ensuring that you are laying the right kind of foundation for a close, trusting relationship. By its very invention, communication builds trust and strengthens your connection with another individual. The more proficient you are at communicating with another person, the better your relationship with them will be. Obviously communication isn’t solely limited to verbal exchanges but includes several non-verbal communications as well. By becoming skilled at communication, you can build close relationships with practically anyone. These close relationships will lead you to courting and eventually marriage.
Dating
Dating is the first step to building a relationship. Whenever you spend time with an individual, you are building a relationship with them. Under another name, “hanging out” is similar to dating in that you are spending time with that person; however, hanging out with someone will ultimately only lead to a friendship relationship because “hanging out” is only a limited risk that reaches a point where you cannot truly get any closer. On the other hand, when two people go on a date, they are both taking a risk that the other person will agree to further commitment. As you go on more and more dates with someone, you are testing them to see if they will open up and get closer to you, allowing your relationship to grow further and slowly adding more and more trust into the mix.
Dating leads directly to courting which leads directly to marriage. If you truly want to get married, you will date; if you are not interested in ever getting married, you will attempt other things, but as was explained earlier, because you cannot fulfill all of your needs and desires or progress further, it will not make you as happy.
In essence, everything you do related to relationships is to help you progress. There are many things that you cannot do on your own. From your day of birth you have relied on other people to help you reach where you are now. Just like you could not get here without their help, you will not be able to get to where you want to be going (i.e. to become like Heavenly Father) without the help of others on this earth.
Though you should not enter into such a close and powerful relationship too quickly, you should make it one of your highest priorities: it will lead you to being the happiest in the end. This is why marriage is considered to be the most important decision you will ever make, because it will have the greatest impact for good on your life. You should look forward to making this decision and you should NOT let anything hold you back from it.
Whatever you struggle with the most, you should commit today to working on it. If there is anything that is preventing you from getting married, you should be daily devising a plan to overcome it. If you really take this decision seriously, you will do everything you can to make it happen.
And if you are seriously struggling, or you want to make it happen faster I am available to help you.
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