Foundations: Episode 15

Recap: It is good for you to not exclusively date anyone until he or she has made an agreement with you not to date other people. You can improve your chances of finding your future spouse and you can build a better relationship with the people you date if you initially date multiple people at the same time. Not only do you have more chances and less risk, but you will also be less stressful and more open around the ones you are dating.

Foundations Episode 13

Recap: Feeling sorry for yourself, thinking about and complaining about your problems isn't going to help you improve your situation.
You have to get out there and focus on fixing your situation.

Foundations Episode 10

This article has been replaced and expanded by a couple of better versions(sorry, non-video) on my new blog: RDC Coaching

Here is the new article: Why ALL Relationships are Risks
New Podcast: Common Relationship Cycle #2 - Walking Away



You can still watch the old video on my youtube page here.

Foundations Episode 3

Recap:
Always be ready for the next thing.
Getting asked for your number or asking someone for their number will lead to a date. Going on a few dates with someone will lead up to a relationship with them. If you stick with a relationship long enough it will turn into marriage. So always be ready for the next step; and if you aren't right now, start preparing for it.

Dealing with and Dating Obnoxious Men and Women

This article has moved to my new site: http://rdccoach.blogspot.com/

Check out the new articles :

and

Attitude Affects Your Dating Life

As I am sure you have heard numerous times: “attitude determines everything”. Let’s face it: dating is hard; it is one of the hardest things you will ever go through simply because dating leads up to the hardest choice you will ever make (marriage).
I have stressed time and time on this blog that dating takes time. You can’t expect things to just fall into your lap, to meet that perfect guy or girl and to have courting them be easy it will take time and devotion. You have to work at it every day in order to be successful at dating (i.e. to meet your long term dating goals, usually marriage).
You also can’t be afraid of dating because of a fear of failure. Everyone will fail at least a couple times before they get good at a particular skill. Every athlete in the history of sports has had major defeats and setbacks that jarred them and made them question that what they were doing was the right thing to do. I am sure that you have felt lonely before; that you have questioned whether that young lady or young man liked you back; and you have probably felt frustrated about the whole "dating thing" and wished there were a better way.
All of these negative thoughts can bring you down.

“Attitude determines everything”, if you reflect on the negative aspects of your life, such as how you wish so desperately that you had a boyfriend or girlfriend, your life will be shaped by that desperation. You will come off to people you just met as though you are desperate and that you are starving for their attention. If, on the other hand, you reflect on how any day this week you might meet your future spouse, then your life will be shaped positively. You will be looking for that opportune moment to meet someone new, and you might even go out of your way just on the hope that that special someone is just around the corner.
Finding your future husband or wife is hard work. It takes years of sifting through dates to realize things about yourself and about who you want to marry, and then to prepare yourself to find and woo that person. Should you reflect on how hard it is though? I do not think we are meant to reflect on the difficulty of this task. In the beginning, when you fall in love, chemicals are activated in your body that heighten the experience and add a “magical” touch to your relationship. By this point in your relationship there are still plenty of hurdles to overcome before you actually marry that individual. I do not think that we are meant to reflect too heavily on how hard things are; we are meant to focus on making things a little better each day.

There is a common saying of which you have probably heard: “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. As you know, Rome was one of the greatest civilizations in ancient times. It took several hundred years for Rome to reach its height of greatness. Thousands of people devoted their lives to bringing it to that point.--If you want something “great” out of a relationship, then you will have to devote your whole life to it; of course relationships don’t end at marriage, they continue forever. Will it be hard? Of course.
However, rather than focus on how hard dating or having relationships is, you should focus on how much it is worth it to you.
Is it worth it to put up with hard times? Is it worth it to have to date ten jerks before finding one really amazing person? Is it worth it to fix your bad habits in order to please the guy or girl of your dreams? Is it worth it to feel lonely now, in order to motivate your to find that special someone?




Dating and having relationships is hard, but it is completely worth it in the end!
Try to remain optimistic. Whether you are happy or sad about your current situation, you are still going to be in your current situation, so why not be optimistic?
That brings up my final point: you will remain in your current situation until you change your situation. YOU have to change it. No one else can change for you. No one who doesn’t like you now will suddenly like you in the future unless you change; they aren’t going to change for you.
But you need to change for yourself and not for the guy or girl. When you change for yourself, you make lasting changes. When you change for other people, you revert to your old behavior when you stop trying to impress those other people. As your relationship progresses and you both mature, you will eventually realize that you never had to impress that young man or woman and you will stop trying to impress them and start acting normal. At that point, if you didn't change for the benefit of yourself, you will slip back into the kind of person you were before you attempted to impress him or her.
Even if someone changes in your behalf, unless they relate it back to themselves, their changes aren’t going to be lasting either. You should not expect or rely on other people to change in order to love you the way you are. You should not make demads of people that they change so that the two of you can get along better. Instead, do yourself a favor and make yourself in to the kind of person that will please the kind of person you want to marry.

Change is always hard, but it is always worth it. Keep that in mind as you decide from now on that you are going to change and adapt to get along with others rather than expect them to fix their problems to get along with you.

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Years everyone!

I wanted to express the importance of new years resolutions, but my last article and my next post (this sunday) didn't allow for me to talk about realizing your dreams and setting goals to reach them.

New years, of course, is the holiday in which we reflect on everything we've done in the previous year and we set resolutions (or goals) to become better.

So while you're celebrating the new year, take some time to reflect on your dating life. I've provided a few thought provoking questions to help you:

• Do you feel like you've gone on enough dates this year, or would you have liked to have gone on more?
• Do you know of at least two people who you would like to pursue a better relationship with, or do you feel like there just isn't anyone who interests you at this time?
• If you are in a relationship right now, do you feel like the relationship is going at the proper speed, or would you like it to go faster?
• In 2011, will you be prepared to get married if someone popped the question, or are there things in your life that you need to work out before even considering marriage? If so, what are those things?
• Are you comfortable getting someone's number and asking them on a date, or do you have to work yourself up to that point?
• In 2010, did you feel adequate about pursuing a relationship with someone, or were there a few people you met who you felt were out of your class?
• Do you feel comfortable about yourself almost all of the time, or do you frequently feel like you aren't good enough?
• Do you feel like you've made a lot of progress in 2010, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually or is there something that is holding you back? Are you hold yourself back?
• What is your primary goal, pertaining to dating, in the next few months?

Some of these questions can be really difficult and might be things you've never thought of before.
If after answering these questions you feel like there are a lot of things you could improve on, please consider my 8 week program. In the program I cover the basics that I feel everyone should know about dating.
I also really pump you up and get you motivated to succeed at learning this so that a few weeks after you've made your resolution you don't forget about it or give up trying.

Good luck with the new year!