Recap: Life is more than merely dating. It is okay, even preferred, that you have a life outside of your dating life. In other words, you don't need to spend every minute of every day focusing on getting a girlfriend or boyfriend, or keeping the one you have already got. Find meaningful things to do with your time and it will be easier for you to find someone who agrees with your lifestyle.
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Foundations: Episode 14
Recap: Life is more than merely dating. It is okay, even preferred, that you have a life outside of your dating life. In other words, you don't need to spend every minute of every day focusing on getting a girlfriend or boyfriend, or keeping the one you have already got. Find meaningful things to do with your time and it will be easier for you to find someone who agrees with your lifestyle.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Foundations Video Series
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This is my introductory video to the "Building A Foundation for a Great Relationship" video series (I'll refer to it as the "Foundations" video series). Just to recap: if you're between 18-28 then this video series is going to be perfect for you. I'll be posting a new episode each week for the next 15 weeks (there are 16 episodes in all and Episode 1 is already available to you below). In this video series I want to teach you that: Relationships are different from what you thought they were in high school, I want you to be motivated after this series to get out there into the dating world and to start working for your dreams, and I want you to realize that there are steps involved in building a relationship, as well as what those steps are |
And if you don't want to wait for the end of the series, or you want to gain access to the bonus episode, click here to go to my video series details page.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
How comparing yourself to others affects your relationships
This week’s article is on a subject I feel everyone can relate to: Comparing ourselves to other people and how it relates to our relationships with others. I’m sure you have experienced it before, when your friend gets blessed with something in life and you feel like they don’t deserve it. Or you wish that you were as successful as someone else.--You wish you had a boyfriend/girlfriend like all of the other people your age.--You want to feel loved by another person and have those passionate feelings for someone else. But comparing yourself to other people is bad because it limits you from reaching YOUR potential.
Here, let me explain:
Everyone is different, everyone is unique. No two people experience the exact same life or go through the same ups and downs. Our lives are carefully guided by the creator who desires for us to reach our potential and continue learning and growing. You will experience specific situations that only YOU could grow from, and they will happen at a time when you need to learn those lessons the most. You may be given trials or hurdles that you need to overcome, or you may be given barriers that prevent you from advancing at the present time. But these things are for your benefit. And they may be things that others never have to experience, but guess what? –That’s the beauty of this life: Your life is YOUR life.
The relationships in your life can be severely affected by your perceived need to be equal to others around you. After all, you fill your sphere with people who are supposedly at the same level as you are, right? Not necessarily. You fill your life with people who may share commonalities in personality, and have similar interests, but that doesn’t mean that they are on the same level as you are. We’re talking about maturity. Even as an adult, you will find that not all adults are on the same level of maturity as you are. Again, this goes back to life experiences.
We are shaped in life by the situations we are put into. Imagine your most challenging experiences in life and picture what your life would be like if you didn’t have to go through them, would you be the same as you are today?
So how does all of this relate to comparing ourselves to others?
When you compare yourself to other people and feel as though you need to be doing the same things as they are, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, traveling the world, moving away from home, buying a house, going to school, etc. You set yourself up to miss the important aspects of having these things in order to 'measure up' to your peers. There is an old saying that illuminates this principle: “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” –Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is good, but merely having one to say you have one misses the point. Traveling the world can be fun and grand, but if all you do is go to the location, take a few pictures to brag about it later, and then return home unchanged, you have missed the mark on why traveling is so exciting. Moving away from home can grant you a lot of freedom, but it also comes with responsibilities and if you are not prepared for them you can get into a lot of trouble. –I think I have made myself clear: Just because others are doing it does not mean it is right for you.
The opposite can be true as well: just because others are NOT doing it, does not mean that it is right for you. When others are postponing marriage or choosing to not attend additional schooling, etc. you still need to decide for yourself what is right for you.
But how does all of this relate to having good relationships???
Good relationships are not an end result. In other words, you can’t merely arrive at a good relationship one day. Having a good relationship is a constant process, it is the “journey”. In order to have a good relationship with someone, you both need to be heading in the right direction—you need to be working towards the same things. If you are heading in one direction, and the other person is heading in the other, then you really aren’t going anywhere together—you’re just brushing paths occasionally!
Being specific: When you are out to have a relationship with someone just so that you can say that you are dating someone, and they agree to date you thinking in their mind that the two of you could have something special going on, then you both aren’t heading in the same direction. He or she is heading towards the settling down stage and you are heading towards impressing/pleasing those around you who wonder why you are not dating anyone.
Remember that the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. Just because your friends are getting married, or because they all have girlfriends and boyfriends, that does not mean that you are ready to do so. Maturity is crucial here.
Yes, you should be working towards getting married because it is as much a part of life as moving away from home is; but you should not get into a relationship just because other people are getting into them or merely because you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Instead, you should get into a relationship because you have found someone who you can spend eternity with.
Marriage isn’t a destination, just like a relationship isn’t a destination; it is a part of your journey through life. You will need the assistance of another individual in order to continue progressing, growing, and reaching new levels in life.—No one is meant to go alone through life, you will need someone to help you meet specific challenges head-on and overcome trials. This isn’t something you can simply “obtain” or “reach”, it is a continual process. In order to have a good relationship, you will need to continually nourish that relationship. Just like a plant cannot continue to grow and will likely die without your support in feeding it water and sunlight, in order to have a good relationship you need to continually nourish the relationship because without nourishment, it will fade away and die.
So next time you see your friends and peers doing things that you wish you could be doing and you start to compare yourself to them wishing desperately that you could have the things that they have, or do the things they do, just remember: they are at a different level than you are (they may even be at a lower level and you have grown passed such things), and they are on a different path than you are—you’re heading where you need to go, and they are heading where they need to go.
If you make the effort to look for it, you will find that there are plenty of the opposite sex heading in exactly the same direction as you are (progression wise), you just might need to take a side-quest or an alternate route in your journey in order to compensate for them so that you can continue your journey together.
Here, let me explain:
Everyone is different, everyone is unique. No two people experience the exact same life or go through the same ups and downs. Our lives are carefully guided by the creator who desires for us to reach our potential and continue learning and growing. You will experience specific situations that only YOU could grow from, and they will happen at a time when you need to learn those lessons the most. You may be given trials or hurdles that you need to overcome, or you may be given barriers that prevent you from advancing at the present time. But these things are for your benefit. And they may be things that others never have to experience, but guess what? –That’s the beauty of this life: Your life is YOUR life.
The relationships in your life can be severely affected by your perceived need to be equal to others around you. After all, you fill your sphere with people who are supposedly at the same level as you are, right? Not necessarily. You fill your life with people who may share commonalities in personality, and have similar interests, but that doesn’t mean that they are on the same level as you are. We’re talking about maturity. Even as an adult, you will find that not all adults are on the same level of maturity as you are. Again, this goes back to life experiences.
We are shaped in life by the situations we are put into. Imagine your most challenging experiences in life and picture what your life would be like if you didn’t have to go through them, would you be the same as you are today?
So how does all of this relate to comparing ourselves to others?
When you compare yourself to other people and feel as though you need to be doing the same things as they are, having a boyfriend/girlfriend, traveling the world, moving away from home, buying a house, going to school, etc. You set yourself up to miss the important aspects of having these things in order to 'measure up' to your peers. There is an old saying that illuminates this principle: “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” –Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is good, but merely having one to say you have one misses the point. Traveling the world can be fun and grand, but if all you do is go to the location, take a few pictures to brag about it later, and then return home unchanged, you have missed the mark on why traveling is so exciting. Moving away from home can grant you a lot of freedom, but it also comes with responsibilities and if you are not prepared for them you can get into a lot of trouble. –I think I have made myself clear: Just because others are doing it does not mean it is right for you.
The opposite can be true as well: just because others are NOT doing it, does not mean that it is right for you. When others are postponing marriage or choosing to not attend additional schooling, etc. you still need to decide for yourself what is right for you.
But how does all of this relate to having good relationships???
Good relationships are not an end result. In other words, you can’t merely arrive at a good relationship one day. Having a good relationship is a constant process, it is the “journey”. In order to have a good relationship with someone, you both need to be heading in the right direction—you need to be working towards the same things. If you are heading in one direction, and the other person is heading in the other, then you really aren’t going anywhere together—you’re just brushing paths occasionally!
Being specific: When you are out to have a relationship with someone just so that you can say that you are dating someone, and they agree to date you thinking in their mind that the two of you could have something special going on, then you both aren’t heading in the same direction. He or she is heading towards the settling down stage and you are heading towards impressing/pleasing those around you who wonder why you are not dating anyone.
Remember that the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. Just because your friends are getting married, or because they all have girlfriends and boyfriends, that does not mean that you are ready to do so. Maturity is crucial here.
Yes, you should be working towards getting married because it is as much a part of life as moving away from home is; but you should not get into a relationship just because other people are getting into them or merely because you want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Instead, you should get into a relationship because you have found someone who you can spend eternity with.
Marriage isn’t a destination, just like a relationship isn’t a destination; it is a part of your journey through life. You will need the assistance of another individual in order to continue progressing, growing, and reaching new levels in life.—No one is meant to go alone through life, you will need someone to help you meet specific challenges head-on and overcome trials. This isn’t something you can simply “obtain” or “reach”, it is a continual process. In order to have a good relationship, you will need to continually nourish that relationship. Just like a plant cannot continue to grow and will likely die without your support in feeding it water and sunlight, in order to have a good relationship you need to continually nourish the relationship because without nourishment, it will fade away and die.
So next time you see your friends and peers doing things that you wish you could be doing and you start to compare yourself to them wishing desperately that you could have the things that they have, or do the things they do, just remember: they are at a different level than you are (they may even be at a lower level and you have grown passed such things), and they are on a different path than you are—you’re heading where you need to go, and they are heading where they need to go.
If you make the effort to look for it, you will find that there are plenty of the opposite sex heading in exactly the same direction as you are (progression wise), you just might need to take a side-quest or an alternate route in your journey in order to compensate for them so that you can continue your journey together.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Being the Right Person
Although I have referenced one article on my blog more than any other, I don’t feel I covered the topic as sufficiently as I should. If you are an avid reader of my articles you’ll know just how true this statement is: In order to find the right person, you need to be the right person for him or her. There are no substitutes for personal development—if you want to marry someone amazing, you will have to be their equal: Amazing. If you want to come home every night to someone who will take care of you, comfort you when you are down, and provide for your needs, then you too will have to take care of them, comfort them when they are down, and provide for their needs. No amount of seduction or manipulation can convince your ideal person to marry you.
The interactions you receive from other people are directly related to your own personality and present state. It is not uncommon for people to complain about others, and the way that they act, and yet those doing the complaining are also the ones with the biggest problems in that area. In other words, the old saying is true: “we hate the things in others that we really hate in ourselves.” Most of the flaws that we see in other people are flaws that we ourselves have. This comes in two forms: either we fail to see our own flaws and attribute them in other people, or we create those flaws in other people by carrying them ourselves. The latter occurs when we manifest a flaw and others see it as acceptable behavior (subconsciously, mind you) and they begin to mimic our behavior when they communicate with us.
Take for instance when we claim that another individual is stubborn; that person will refuse to back down from their own beliefs and agendas, yet we fail to realize that we too fail to back down from our own. We are so preoccupied by the fact that the other person just wants things their way, that we don’t realize that we just want things OUR way as well.
Another good example (although inverted) of this is a positive person; this does not just work in one direction after all. When we are positive, other people around us tend to be a little more positive as well. When we are hopeful for a bright future, others will desire to share in that future. When we are happy, other people want to be happy as well. Yes, there are negative people in this world who simply cannot get over their negativity, but such people are the rare occurrences that burden our mind and drag us down to where we don’t see the other examples; the ones of people who become positive when we are positive. Another old saying comes to mind: “When Momma’s happy, everybody’s happy.”
When we can find our own flaws and learn to deal with and correct them, we will begin to have a greater appreciation and respect for other individuals. It is this form of respect that can cause us to look beyond the flaws in other people, a guy or girl, and take a liking to them. If they too have developed this respect, it will be easy for the two of you to fall in love with one another. When you see the flaws in each other, you will realize that you are both striving to improve on yourselves and that one day these flaws will be replaced by others.
To make it easier for others to have that respect for you, you should develop yourself so that you are compatible with the type of person you wish to marry. No two people are the same, and no two people fall into the same category. If you wish to marry someone who has money, you need to learn the attributes that such an individual appreciates, such as frugality, or a wealthy taste. If you have no idea what it means to save money, or you have no clue what the difference in class is between a Volvo and a Corvette, then you need to develop those skills and attributes. Another good example is the level of spirituality: if you want to marry someone who is VERY spiritual, then you had better know the scriptures equally well, and attend church every Sunday, because “very spiritual” individuals have learned to value those specific things.
No one said getting married was easy; “it will be the hardest decision you ever make.” But more important than the actual decision is the processes which you take to prepare yourself for marriage. If you are not ready physically, mentally, or emotionally for marriage then you should focus on preparing yourself in that manner first.
I appreciate the question posed in a famous movie “What is the point of worry about your beard, while your head is going to be taken?” the story behind this question refers to a community threatened by war. The wise elder of the community points out to the leader of their bunch that they are focusing too much on the unimportant aspects of their lives while there are more important matters to resolve first.
It is very true that you will need to grow up and become a man or woman before you can marry a man or woman. Learning all of the intricate ways in which you can attract a man or woman is not going to help you if you have not developed yourself sufficiently to proceed with that attraction. Too many people assume that finding the right person to marry is all about finding him or her. They assume that the reason why they are not having success is because the right person hasn’t come along yet. –-This is a grave error; one which you could devote your whole life to searching for the perfect person for you, and one in which most people who do eventually get married after succumbing to the exhaustion of their search. They settle for someone who they determine to make things work with, only because they have resolved that there is no “perfect” person out there for them to marry.
Being the right person for the right person entails developing yourself so that you are exactly what some other poor, lonely person is looking for. The beauty of developing yourself in such a manner is that it empowers you and gives you a greater selection of people to choose from. Most people of the opposite sex share the same or similar ideals about what the “perfect” husband or wife entails. By developing these attributes, you will automatically pass their hardest criteria and win their hearts. You will then be in a position in which you may choose the best candidate for you to pair off with; you will not have to merely take whatever is offered to you.
The interactions you receive from other people are directly related to your own personality and present state. It is not uncommon for people to complain about others, and the way that they act, and yet those doing the complaining are also the ones with the biggest problems in that area. In other words, the old saying is true: “we hate the things in others that we really hate in ourselves.” Most of the flaws that we see in other people are flaws that we ourselves have. This comes in two forms: either we fail to see our own flaws and attribute them in other people, or we create those flaws in other people by carrying them ourselves. The latter occurs when we manifest a flaw and others see it as acceptable behavior (subconsciously, mind you) and they begin to mimic our behavior when they communicate with us.
Take for instance when we claim that another individual is stubborn; that person will refuse to back down from their own beliefs and agendas, yet we fail to realize that we too fail to back down from our own. We are so preoccupied by the fact that the other person just wants things their way, that we don’t realize that we just want things OUR way as well.
Another good example (although inverted) of this is a positive person; this does not just work in one direction after all. When we are positive, other people around us tend to be a little more positive as well. When we are hopeful for a bright future, others will desire to share in that future. When we are happy, other people want to be happy as well. Yes, there are negative people in this world who simply cannot get over their negativity, but such people are the rare occurrences that burden our mind and drag us down to where we don’t see the other examples; the ones of people who become positive when we are positive. Another old saying comes to mind: “When Momma’s happy, everybody’s happy.”
When we can find our own flaws and learn to deal with and correct them, we will begin to have a greater appreciation and respect for other individuals. It is this form of respect that can cause us to look beyond the flaws in other people, a guy or girl, and take a liking to them. If they too have developed this respect, it will be easy for the two of you to fall in love with one another. When you see the flaws in each other, you will realize that you are both striving to improve on yourselves and that one day these flaws will be replaced by others.
To make it easier for others to have that respect for you, you should develop yourself so that you are compatible with the type of person you wish to marry. No two people are the same, and no two people fall into the same category. If you wish to marry someone who has money, you need to learn the attributes that such an individual appreciates, such as frugality, or a wealthy taste. If you have no idea what it means to save money, or you have no clue what the difference in class is between a Volvo and a Corvette, then you need to develop those skills and attributes. Another good example is the level of spirituality: if you want to marry someone who is VERY spiritual, then you had better know the scriptures equally well, and attend church every Sunday, because “very spiritual” individuals have learned to value those specific things.
No one said getting married was easy; “it will be the hardest decision you ever make.” But more important than the actual decision is the processes which you take to prepare yourself for marriage. If you are not ready physically, mentally, or emotionally for marriage then you should focus on preparing yourself in that manner first.
I appreciate the question posed in a famous movie “What is the point of worry about your beard, while your head is going to be taken?” the story behind this question refers to a community threatened by war. The wise elder of the community points out to the leader of their bunch that they are focusing too much on the unimportant aspects of their lives while there are more important matters to resolve first.
It is very true that you will need to grow up and become a man or woman before you can marry a man or woman. Learning all of the intricate ways in which you can attract a man or woman is not going to help you if you have not developed yourself sufficiently to proceed with that attraction. Too many people assume that finding the right person to marry is all about finding him or her. They assume that the reason why they are not having success is because the right person hasn’t come along yet. –-This is a grave error; one which you could devote your whole life to searching for the perfect person for you, and one in which most people who do eventually get married after succumbing to the exhaustion of their search. They settle for someone who they determine to make things work with, only because they have resolved that there is no “perfect” person out there for them to marry.
Being the right person for the right person entails developing yourself so that you are exactly what some other poor, lonely person is looking for. The beauty of developing yourself in such a manner is that it empowers you and gives you a greater selection of people to choose from. Most people of the opposite sex share the same or similar ideals about what the “perfect” husband or wife entails. By developing these attributes, you will automatically pass their hardest criteria and win their hearts. You will then be in a position in which you may choose the best candidate for you to pair off with; you will not have to merely take whatever is offered to you.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Why Relationships Matter So Much
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As you read from the many articles on this website, you might reach a point where you ask yourself this question: “Why is having such an in-depth understanding of dating, relationships, and marriage so important?” But, when you understand the importance of these functions, you will recognize your true potential, see the big picture, and you will have a desire to achieve success in this area of your life. It will make your life much better, you will be happier and you will enjoy your life much more.
Having an understanding of how this complex system called “relationships” works and how you can take the most advantage of this social system will help you make educated, conscious choices. It will empower you and help you to refine your character. It will make you into a better person and can help you gain the skills to change other people’s lives for the better.
I have divided this article into three segments: Marriage, Relationships, and Dating. It is my hope that these segments will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the significance of their functions. You need them, and you should approach them seriously.
Marriage
Aside from any obvious reasons why you would want to get married, there are several reasons why you need to get married, and the sooner you do so the better your life will be. You are incomplete without the opposite sex; without a husband or wife, you will reach a point where your progression halts; and without the opposite sex it would be impossible to fulfill ALL of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Progression is good, and you have a natural tendency to desire progression because you are a child of God and naturally want to become like him. When you choose to postpone marriage, or even to put it off entirely, you hinder your own progression throughmissed opportunities and failing to have certain experiences. Hard experiences build character, and having a spouse can by very trying on your patience; but God wants you to have those trying experiences because it will help you progress and become like him.
You cannot do everything in life on your own. There are many things that you simply cannot do at all but need the vicarious help of others in order to accomplish them. Particularly, you cannot have and raise children properly if you do not get married. Children benefit immensely from having both a father and a mother who love each other, worship God, and love them (the children). If you do not get married, you will remain incomplete and incapable of doing many things in the best way.
In order to fulfill all of your physical, mental and emotional needs, you will need the help of the opposite sex. Physical (particularly sexual) desires are a sacred, necessary, and beneficial aspect of life. They lead you to use heavenly powers to procreate and help bring God’s spirit children into this world. Mental desires work in the same manner: you have the desire to be among equals intellectually and to be working with others towards common goals; having these desires help you to progress and, as anyone who has experienced the addictive feeling of learning something new will understand, the more you learn the more you will want to learn. Emotionally, you have the desire to build trusting relationships with other people. Without a close group of people who you could trust, you would suffer from loneliness, depression, and other emotional problems.
You have an innate need to fulfill these desires and without the opposite sex you will be left unsatisfied. Any attempts to fulfill your physical desires on your own will leave you forever wanting and can lead you to severe problems. The same is true with people who advance intellectually but are unequalled in their intelligence: they recognize that knowledge serves no purpose when it is not applied and it is kept to their selves; and you would have a challenging and conflicting life if there was no one you could trust. Regardless of the specific outcome of failing to fulfill your needs, the general result is sadness; you will be unhappy whenever you fail to fulfill those desires at the time they come knocking.
There is no need for you to postpone marriage; in fact, it should be something you work out quickly. You will find, after marriage, that not everything about your wife or husband is what you expected. Part of your progression is learning to look past your wife’s or husband’s faults and support them when they struggle. No two people are really “perfect” for each other when they start out; it takes several years for two people to truly “fit” (the common estimate is 7 years).
When you look at your life on the eternal spectrum, this life is a very small speck, barely noticeable compared to the billions of years before and after. Your soul is eternal and the hundred years that your life on earth contains are very minor. You will spend many more years of your existence married than you spend single. If you really want to be married for eternity to someone, it would be better for you to enter that stage of life sooner than to post-pone the inevitable. Imagine the ‘married stage’ as your final state, just like a frog starts as a pollywog and morphs into a creature with traits of half-pollywog-half-frog before turning into a frog, you have no need to teeter in both worlds when you could as easily reach your true state. Again, you are incomplete without the opposite sex; it is expected for you to one day marry for eternity to reach your “completed” state. (This is often why people who are newly married claim their spouse “completes them”)
In a good marriage, you can fulfill ALL of your desires, you will not be limited in your progression, and therefore you will not be “incomplete”. Your physical needs will not have to be completely bridled. You will be able to learn from one another and help fulfill each other’s mental needs. Also, you will always have someone who you can trust and turn to for emotional support.
Marriage is a specific type of relationship in which the ultimate level of trust is agreed upon by both parties; that means that when you agree to marry someone, you agree to the highest level of trust. Complete fidelity helps maintain your emotional, physical, and mental needs by ensuring that you will have a reliable source capable of fulfilling those needs. When you remain single, you hold things back from those you date because you lack that high level of trust, even if only on a subconscious level. You also spread yourself thin when you continue to date multiple people because you cannot fully commit to any of them and so none of them are given the chance to see all of you.
Relationships
“Relationships” is a loose term that includes acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancés, and husbands and wives, among other things. Forming relationships is a good thing. Humans are social animals; they require the help of others in order to survive. The type of relationship that you have with another person is based on your interaction with that individual and the type of “compacts” you have formed with them. You subconsciously make generic connections to people that reference the type of relationship that you have with them. With this subconscious understanding, you are able to respond to their actions in an “acceptable” manner. For example, you do not passionately kiss your friends the way you would with your spouse.
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As you read from the many articles on this website, you might reach a point where you ask yourself this question: “Why is having such an in-depth understanding of dating, relationships, and marriage so important?” But, when you understand the importance of these functions, you will recognize your true potential, see the big picture, and you will have a desire to achieve success in this area of your life. It will make your life much better, you will be happier and you will enjoy your life much more.
Having an understanding of how this complex system called “relationships” works and how you can take the most advantage of this social system will help you make educated, conscious choices. It will empower you and help you to refine your character. It will make you into a better person and can help you gain the skills to change other people’s lives for the better.
I have divided this article into three segments: Marriage, Relationships, and Dating. It is my hope that these segments will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the significance of their functions. You need them, and you should approach them seriously.
Marriage
Aside from any obvious reasons why you would want to get married, there are several reasons why you need to get married, and the sooner you do so the better your life will be. You are incomplete without the opposite sex; without a husband or wife, you will reach a point where your progression halts; and without the opposite sex it would be impossible to fulfill ALL of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Progression is good, and you have a natural tendency to desire progression because you are a child of God and naturally want to become like him. When you choose to postpone marriage, or even to put it off entirely, you hinder your own progression throughmissed opportunities and failing to have certain experiences. Hard experiences build character, and having a spouse can by very trying on your patience; but God wants you to have those trying experiences because it will help you progress and become like him.
You cannot do everything in life on your own. There are many things that you simply cannot do at all but need the vicarious help of others in order to accomplish them. Particularly, you cannot have and raise children properly if you do not get married. Children benefit immensely from having both a father and a mother who love each other, worship God, and love them (the children). If you do not get married, you will remain incomplete and incapable of doing many things in the best way.
In order to fulfill all of your physical, mental and emotional needs, you will need the help of the opposite sex. Physical (particularly sexual) desires are a sacred, necessary, and beneficial aspect of life. They lead you to use heavenly powers to procreate and help bring God’s spirit children into this world. Mental desires work in the same manner: you have the desire to be among equals intellectually and to be working with others towards common goals; having these desires help you to progress and, as anyone who has experienced the addictive feeling of learning something new will understand, the more you learn the more you will want to learn. Emotionally, you have the desire to build trusting relationships with other people. Without a close group of people who you could trust, you would suffer from loneliness, depression, and other emotional problems.
You have an innate need to fulfill these desires and without the opposite sex you will be left unsatisfied. Any attempts to fulfill your physical desires on your own will leave you forever wanting and can lead you to severe problems. The same is true with people who advance intellectually but are unequalled in their intelligence: they recognize that knowledge serves no purpose when it is not applied and it is kept to their selves; and you would have a challenging and conflicting life if there was no one you could trust. Regardless of the specific outcome of failing to fulfill your needs, the general result is sadness; you will be unhappy whenever you fail to fulfill those desires at the time they come knocking.
There is no need for you to postpone marriage; in fact, it should be something you work out quickly. You will find, after marriage, that not everything about your wife or husband is what you expected. Part of your progression is learning to look past your wife’s or husband’s faults and support them when they struggle. No two people are really “perfect” for each other when they start out; it takes several years for two people to truly “fit” (the common estimate is 7 years).
When you look at your life on the eternal spectrum, this life is a very small speck, barely noticeable compared to the billions of years before and after. Your soul is eternal and the hundred years that your life on earth contains are very minor. You will spend many more years of your existence married than you spend single. If you really want to be married for eternity to someone, it would be better for you to enter that stage of life sooner than to post-pone the inevitable. Imagine the ‘married stage’ as your final state, just like a frog starts as a pollywog and morphs into a creature with traits of half-pollywog-half-frog before turning into a frog, you have no need to teeter in both worlds when you could as easily reach your true state. Again, you are incomplete without the opposite sex; it is expected for you to one day marry for eternity to reach your “completed” state. (This is often why people who are newly married claim their spouse “completes them”)
In a good marriage, you can fulfill ALL of your desires, you will not be limited in your progression, and therefore you will not be “incomplete”. Your physical needs will not have to be completely bridled. You will be able to learn from one another and help fulfill each other’s mental needs. Also, you will always have someone who you can trust and turn to for emotional support.
Marriage is a specific type of relationship in which the ultimate level of trust is agreed upon by both parties; that means that when you agree to marry someone, you agree to the highest level of trust. Complete fidelity helps maintain your emotional, physical, and mental needs by ensuring that you will have a reliable source capable of fulfilling those needs. When you remain single, you hold things back from those you date because you lack that high level of trust, even if only on a subconscious level. You also spread yourself thin when you continue to date multiple people because you cannot fully commit to any of them and so none of them are given the chance to see all of you.
Relationships
“Relationships” is a loose term that includes acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancés, and husbands and wives, among other things. Forming relationships is a good thing. Humans are social animals; they require the help of others in order to survive. The type of relationship that you have with another person is based on your interaction with that individual and the type of “compacts” you have formed with them. You subconsciously make generic connections to people that reference the type of relationship that you have with them. With this subconscious understanding, you are able to respond to their actions in an “acceptable” manner. For example, you do not passionately kiss your friends the way you would with your spouse.
[Next Page]
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Big Picture
EDIT: (1/20/2011)
I just added the option for you to receive updates on this blog via email. You no longer have to remember whether or not there is a new article this week or if it is next week, it comes to you in your email!
Also, don't forget that there is a facebook page set up to sending out reminders, so like Dating Zion on there as well.
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The Big Picture
The decision to get married may be the most important decision of your life. It is one in which you probably look forward to making, but also feel nervous and uneasy about. It might be one that you are anxious to make or it might be one that you keep postponing for other things.
However, before you proceed with this important decision you should understand the Big Picture: There is more to life than just marriage; and although marriage is essential and should not be put off or hastily initiated, you should focus on changing yourself to become the best person possible. If you are doing everything possible to become a better person and you are making reasonable steps towards the goal of marriage, there will be nothing stopping you from getting married at the right time and in the right place.
You have been given, agency, or the God-given ability to choose your own life. If you work at it, you can accomplish anything; but remember the old adage “work smarter, not harder”. -–That’s right, sometimes working hard isn’t enough; you also need to know how specific things work in order to work better. For example, before the Wright brothers built their first airplane, they had to learn a few principles about physics (lift, thrust, drag, equilibrium, etc.) Yes, they worked hard, but they also learned well.
With that in mind, it is easy to see the power that God has given you to act in this life: You literally have the world at your fingertips and if you work and learn, you can make all your dreams come true.
In the rest of this article, you will learn how every principle previously presented on this blog works, and how they are all related. And, after reading this article, hopefully, you will begin to see much more of The Big Picture.
(Click the numbers for a specific Dating Zion article written on a similar topic.)
Click here to see the Next Page.
I just added the option for you to receive updates on this blog via email. You no longer have to remember whether or not there is a new article this week or if it is next week, it comes to you in your email!
Also, don't forget that there is a facebook page set up to sending out reminders, so like Dating Zion on there as well.
---------------------------------
(Page 1 Page 2)
The Big Picture
The decision to get married may be the most important decision of your life. It is one in which you probably look forward to making, but also feel nervous and uneasy about. It might be one that you are anxious to make or it might be one that you keep postponing for other things.
However, before you proceed with this important decision you should understand the Big Picture: There is more to life than just marriage; and although marriage is essential and should not be put off or hastily initiated, you should focus on changing yourself to become the best person possible. If you are doing everything possible to become a better person and you are making reasonable steps towards the goal of marriage, there will be nothing stopping you from getting married at the right time and in the right place.
You have been given, agency, or the God-given ability to choose your own life. If you work at it, you can accomplish anything; but remember the old adage “work smarter, not harder”. -–That’s right, sometimes working hard isn’t enough; you also need to know how specific things work in order to work better. For example, before the Wright brothers built their first airplane, they had to learn a few principles about physics (lift, thrust, drag, equilibrium, etc.) Yes, they worked hard, but they also learned well.
With that in mind, it is easy to see the power that God has given you to act in this life: You literally have the world at your fingertips and if you work and learn, you can make all your dreams come true.
In the rest of this article, you will learn how every principle previously presented on this blog works, and how they are all related. And, after reading this article, hopefully, you will begin to see much more of The Big Picture.
(Click the numbers for a specific Dating Zion article written on a similar topic.)
| 1. Resolve to Work | -- Before you even start on your journey, you should answer this questions, and be completely honest with yourself while: Are you really willing to do the work necessary to succeed? Do you have the self-control to give up anything that might stand in your way? To do this, you will need to weigh your options and determine what things you value more. Pertaining to marriage, is getting married more important to you than worldly success? Is it more important to you than popularity? What about being a good person, is that more important than having friends? Is devoting your time and energy to the cause worth accomplishing the task? No matter what your answers are to these questions, you now know how much you are willing to give in order to get what you want. If you were completely honest with yourself, it will be easier next time you need to put forth the time and effort for your goals. Choose today to go to work; don’t put it off till tomorrow because you never know whether something else will come up tomorrow. Resolve to work. |
| 2. Set Goals and have Dreams | -- At the same time as you are resolving to work, you need to decide what you really want. The more specific you are about it the better. Your wants and desires that are general, are only dreams; your wants and desires that are specific are goals. All goals need to have a time limit. Some goals are quantifiable, meaning a number can be attached to them. Above all, goals and dreams need to be personal. Some people say: “You need to make it your own”. In other words, you need to do things for yourself, not because other people want you to. If other people want you to move out of the house and get married, you need to decide for yourself whether you want to move out and you want to get married. No one else can make goals for you, but they can help you once you have set them. If you want to get married, that’s just a dream; but if you want to get married in the next 3 years, that’s more of a goal. How can you measure that goal? –One option is to count the number of sub-goals that will help you reach your long-term (3 year) goal; but not every goal needs to be quantified. Some goals can be conditional, meaning yes or no. With conditional goals, you need to clarify the conditions. For example, having the goal to “be comfortable around the opposite sex” isn’t necessarily quantifiable.-—sure, you could set a goal to talk to 75% of the people you come within arms distance of for more than 3 seconds, and then every day tally up how many of those you actually did, but it would be better if this goal was conditional: when you reflect on the day, did you get nervous about talking to someone and if so, why? How can you improve? A major part of the big picture is setting and reaching goals and dreams.—that’s part of your eternal progression, which is part of the big picture. |
| 3. Plan and Prepare | -- Now that you have goals, both short term and long term, how are you going to accomplish those goals? What steps do you need to take to reach your goal? If your goal is to save up X amount of money so that you can get on your feet once you are married, what does that require of you? How much of your paycheck will you need to devote to this, and what will you do without that money? Some plans are just about self-control and additional mini-goals, but other plans are more complex. Take for instance a time where you needed to learn something before you could accomplish your goal. Your options might be to go to classes to be taught those skills, or to hire a tutor, or to simply read a book on the subject. Which will you choose? Which will give you the best learning experience? Which will cost the most? These are the kinds of questions involved in planning and preparing to accomplish your goal. Think about everything involved and how you will accomplish it. Write all of this down. Write your goals down, write your dreams down, and write your plans down. And every time you feel impressed to add to or change your plans, write them down immediately before you forget them. |
Click here to see the Next Page.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
How to set reasonable Goals
Often times it seems like there is a disconnection between the things people want from life and the way they think life will happen for them. These two things can be summarized with the words: Goals and Plans. Plans are different from goals. Goals are objectives or targets that you are aiming for; they are what you want from life. Plans are the methods you will use to reach those goals, and plans are the way you think life will happen for you.
If your plans are not reasonable, you will have a hard time accomplishing your goals. If your goals are not reasonable, you will either never achieve them, or you will sacrifice too much to obtain them.
What makes a goal unreasonable? Two things can make a goal unreasonable: 1) it conflicts with other goals. 2) It isn’t what you really want.
If you have too many goals, you might find that some of them are conflicting—you might need to sacrifice one in order to get the other, or you might have to postpone one for the other. Goals that conflict with other goals are too narrow or too broad; they fail to take into consideration your other wants and needs. If they are too broad, when you have conflicts you will prioritize the other goals. –At first I said that this makes a goal unreasonable; this is not entirely true. The goal is not unreasonable until it becomes impossible for you to do both.
Again, if you are willing to postpone one goal for another, then your goal is still somewhat reasonable as long as you can still accomplish both. However, you need to be cautious because no one can see into the future. While trading stocks in the stock market a person can both sell too early and sell too late.—sometimes when we choose to postpone our goals we miss out on the best possible moment for them or we postpone our goals only to discover that they are outdated or too challenging later in life.
Take for instance climbing Mount Everest; a person might postpone their goal of climbing and then get in a car accident that paralyzes them from the waist down. Or they might postpone their goal of climbing only to grow too old to climb. Had they gone they would have had meaningful experiences to draw on during the hard times of their life.
When you set a goal, you also need to be attached to that goal. Long-term goals take time and devotion, and if you don’t truly want that goal, you won’t feel motivated to accomplish it. Even if you do manage to accomplish that goal, it will not bring you satisfaction. You cannot set goals just because other people want you to do things; you will need to set goals that you want to reach. If not, in the end, they will not bring you the satisfaction that you want for all the work that you do. Or, when the trials and the challenges to accomplishing your goal kick in, you will have a worse time bearing through those challenges than if it were a goal you were attached to.
Having a goal is still better than not having any goals, but what really counts is the plans that you make in order to accomplish those goals. There is a good saying for this: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Failure happens when you don’t succeed at your goals. No one wants to fail; in fact, most people have a fear of failure. Even when you have reasonable goals, if you try to accomplish those goals in an indirect way, you may fail. For instance, you might have a reasonable goal to cook a good meal every day of the week but fail to plan correctly by not purchasing the ingredients necessary or allowing yourself enough time in your schedule to cook.—you could have reached that goal if you had made better plans.
What makes a good plan? A good plan is detailed, specific, and direct. A good plan includes how you will prepare, how you will execute it, and how you will track your progress, as well what steps you will take in case you are not on schedule (plan b). In the cooking example, in order to have a good plan, you would need to have all your ingredients, decide on what meals you will cook and how long they will take to make, and you might want to have a back-up plan of something simple to make in case you are running behind schedule or you misplace one of your ingredients.
After you have a good goal and a good plan, you need to ask yourself one last time what the big picture is:
If you compare this goal to your other goals, which would you rather do? Do they have any immediate conflicts? What steps might you have to take in order to accomplish both goals on time? Are you willing to prioritize one goal over the other when conflicts arise? Will it be worth it still if you have to prioritize it over your other goals?
The ultimate “big picture” question is whether there is another goal that supersedes this goal. If you want to quit eating out because it’s expensive, a better goal would be to manage all of your finances—it may be possible for you to still eat out whenever you like, for instance, if you’d stop buying candy and pop at the gas station.
With an understanding of how to set reasonable goals and plans, you will be more successful in life and gain a greater satisfaction for accomplishing things. These goals will help you get what you want out of life and you will have a good understanding of how they will happen for you.
Now is a good time for you to re-evaluate your present goals and plans for the big areas of your life: career, school, family, marriage and spiritual. Are there any conflicts? Which is more important to you? If you postpone either of them, will you still be able to do them later? Will it be unnecessarily harder?
In the end, is it likely that things will turn out the way you expect them to? What do you need to do today in order to prepare to meet your goals?
If your plans are not reasonable, you will have a hard time accomplishing your goals. If your goals are not reasonable, you will either never achieve them, or you will sacrifice too much to obtain them.
What makes a goal unreasonable? Two things can make a goal unreasonable: 1) it conflicts with other goals. 2) It isn’t what you really want.
If you have too many goals, you might find that some of them are conflicting—you might need to sacrifice one in order to get the other, or you might have to postpone one for the other. Goals that conflict with other goals are too narrow or too broad; they fail to take into consideration your other wants and needs. If they are too broad, when you have conflicts you will prioritize the other goals. –At first I said that this makes a goal unreasonable; this is not entirely true. The goal is not unreasonable until it becomes impossible for you to do both.
Again, if you are willing to postpone one goal for another, then your goal is still somewhat reasonable as long as you can still accomplish both. However, you need to be cautious because no one can see into the future. While trading stocks in the stock market a person can both sell too early and sell too late.—sometimes when we choose to postpone our goals we miss out on the best possible moment for them or we postpone our goals only to discover that they are outdated or too challenging later in life.
Take for instance climbing Mount Everest; a person might postpone their goal of climbing and then get in a car accident that paralyzes them from the waist down. Or they might postpone their goal of climbing only to grow too old to climb. Had they gone they would have had meaningful experiences to draw on during the hard times of their life.
When you set a goal, you also need to be attached to that goal. Long-term goals take time and devotion, and if you don’t truly want that goal, you won’t feel motivated to accomplish it. Even if you do manage to accomplish that goal, it will not bring you satisfaction. You cannot set goals just because other people want you to do things; you will need to set goals that you want to reach. If not, in the end, they will not bring you the satisfaction that you want for all the work that you do. Or, when the trials and the challenges to accomplishing your goal kick in, you will have a worse time bearing through those challenges than if it were a goal you were attached to.
Having a goal is still better than not having any goals, but what really counts is the plans that you make in order to accomplish those goals. There is a good saying for this: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Failure happens when you don’t succeed at your goals. No one wants to fail; in fact, most people have a fear of failure. Even when you have reasonable goals, if you try to accomplish those goals in an indirect way, you may fail. For instance, you might have a reasonable goal to cook a good meal every day of the week but fail to plan correctly by not purchasing the ingredients necessary or allowing yourself enough time in your schedule to cook.—you could have reached that goal if you had made better plans.
What makes a good plan? A good plan is detailed, specific, and direct. A good plan includes how you will prepare, how you will execute it, and how you will track your progress, as well what steps you will take in case you are not on schedule (plan b). In the cooking example, in order to have a good plan, you would need to have all your ingredients, decide on what meals you will cook and how long they will take to make, and you might want to have a back-up plan of something simple to make in case you are running behind schedule or you misplace one of your ingredients.
After you have a good goal and a good plan, you need to ask yourself one last time what the big picture is:
- Why do you want to accomplish this goal?
- How much of a priority is it and how much are you willing to sacrifice for it?
- And is there another goal that would be better to work towards?
If you compare this goal to your other goals, which would you rather do? Do they have any immediate conflicts? What steps might you have to take in order to accomplish both goals on time? Are you willing to prioritize one goal over the other when conflicts arise? Will it be worth it still if you have to prioritize it over your other goals?
The ultimate “big picture” question is whether there is another goal that supersedes this goal. If you want to quit eating out because it’s expensive, a better goal would be to manage all of your finances—it may be possible for you to still eat out whenever you like, for instance, if you’d stop buying candy and pop at the gas station.
With an understanding of how to set reasonable goals and plans, you will be more successful in life and gain a greater satisfaction for accomplishing things. These goals will help you get what you want out of life and you will have a good understanding of how they will happen for you.
Now is a good time for you to re-evaluate your present goals and plans for the big areas of your life: career, school, family, marriage and spiritual. Are there any conflicts? Which is more important to you? If you postpone either of them, will you still be able to do them later? Will it be unnecessarily harder?
In the end, is it likely that things will turn out the way you expect them to? What do you need to do today in order to prepare to meet your goals?
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