Recap:
Most women don't get asked out on dates. That means that women who take initiative and ask men are 10x more successful than those who do not, and men who take initiative and ask women out have nothing to fear about getting a first date.
Showing posts with label mingling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mingling. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Foundations Episode 6
Recap:
Most women don't get asked out on dates. That means that women who take initiative and ask men are 10x more successful than those who do not, and men who take initiative and ask women out have nothing to fear about getting a first date.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Foundations Episode 2
Summary:
Sorry to delay the juicy stuff in this series, but I want to point out that the two aspects of dating that lay the foundation for a Great relationship are: 1. Mingling/Introductions. 2. Dating. As I talked about in Episode 1, you want to start these parts off right so that when you get to the relationship phase it is easy for you to advance into a relationship and it eliminates a lot of bumps.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tricks to making a Good First Impression
Tricks to making good first impressions
It kills me to be writing an article about this because there are a lot of parts in this article that dip into the things I teach in my 8-week program. Needless to say, I’m purposely going to be vague to encourage you to sign up for my services.
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The first few minutes of meeting someone can make or break your relationship with that person. Imagine you just meet the most attractive guy or girl in your life, now what? You will do one of three things 1) make no impression, 2) make a poor impression, or 3) make a good impression.
“No Impression” – All this means is that the other person didn’t notice you, or if they did, you didn’t set yourself enough apart from other people for them to care.
“Bad Impression” – A bad impression happens when you make a distinct impression on the other person and that impression makes you undesirable to them. –(You don’t want this).
“Good impressions” – Whenever you make a distinct impression on someone and it isn’t a bad one, then you left a good impression.
Hopefully, whenever you make no impression on someone you find attractive, you will still have the chance to try again at making a good impression on them. If you do not make a 'good' first impression, you will have NO chance of building a relationship with them.
Making a good first impression is based on your ability to impress people with your physical, mental, and emotional status. But don’t get confused about this: you can’t go around openly expressing your best traits because it’s a turnoff (it's also called bragging). So how do you do it in a way that people will find acceptable?
First, “Be the right person for the right person.” Personal development is the first step to making a good first impression. People love associating with others who are interesting and who they can relate to. Fortunately, everyone is interesting, even you; you just need to find what makes you interesting to other people. Figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are and think about how you can lead a conversation into those ares.
Second, (okay it's more like first, because personal development is a given) look the part. Would a cowgirl look for anything other than a cowboy?—probably not. There is a culture behind everything that we wear and the way in which we wear them. Subconsciously, society has developed a method for grouping people they wish to associate with and excluding those they don’t want to be involved with. Simply put, if you want to make a good physical impression, dress the part. That means wearing nice clothes if you want to attract good attention, and if you are a girl, wearing makeup and taking care of your hair is a must. If you are a guy, keeping yourself clean and well-kept is a must.
Third, sound intelligent. Educated people speak differently than those who are dumb as rocks. An obvious example is the accent you use, people are more turned on or off by the terms and phrases you use and the subjects you choose to talk about. –again, for some reason, people like to drop "important" topics into a conversation to show that they are “smart”. But by forcing it, people will see right through you and assume that you are just out to brag (not a good thing). Communicating with tact, like the other traits, is a skill you simply have to learn if you want to be looked at as more than just a stuck up man or woman.
Forth, Being comfortable with who you are. Self-confidence and optimism go a long way to impressing people.
A lot is invested in the first few moments of meeting someone. There are many things you can do to prepare beforehand so that when the opportunity arises you can blow the competition out of the water and make a strong (good) impression. The purpose of a good first impression is to open doors to a future relationship with that person. Think of it as the first brick put on a building.
It kills me to be writing an article about this because there are a lot of parts in this article that dip into the things I teach in my 8-week program. Needless to say, I’m purposely going to be vague to encourage you to sign up for my services.
---
The first few minutes of meeting someone can make or break your relationship with that person. Imagine you just meet the most attractive guy or girl in your life, now what? You will do one of three things 1) make no impression, 2) make a poor impression, or 3) make a good impression.
“No Impression” – All this means is that the other person didn’t notice you, or if they did, you didn’t set yourself enough apart from other people for them to care.
“Bad Impression” – A bad impression happens when you make a distinct impression on the other person and that impression makes you undesirable to them. –(You don’t want this).
“Good impressions” – Whenever you make a distinct impression on someone and it isn’t a bad one, then you left a good impression.
Hopefully, whenever you make no impression on someone you find attractive, you will still have the chance to try again at making a good impression on them. If you do not make a 'good' first impression, you will have NO chance of building a relationship with them.
Making a good first impression is based on your ability to impress people with your physical, mental, and emotional status. But don’t get confused about this: you can’t go around openly expressing your best traits because it’s a turnoff (it's also called bragging). So how do you do it in a way that people will find acceptable?
First, “Be the right person for the right person.” Personal development is the first step to making a good first impression. People love associating with others who are interesting and who they can relate to. Fortunately, everyone is interesting, even you; you just need to find what makes you interesting to other people. Figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are and think about how you can lead a conversation into those ares.
Second, (okay it's more like first, because personal development is a given) look the part. Would a cowgirl look for anything other than a cowboy?—probably not. There is a culture behind everything that we wear and the way in which we wear them. Subconsciously, society has developed a method for grouping people they wish to associate with and excluding those they don’t want to be involved with. Simply put, if you want to make a good physical impression, dress the part. That means wearing nice clothes if you want to attract good attention, and if you are a girl, wearing makeup and taking care of your hair is a must. If you are a guy, keeping yourself clean and well-kept is a must.
Third, sound intelligent. Educated people speak differently than those who are dumb as rocks. An obvious example is the accent you use, people are more turned on or off by the terms and phrases you use and the subjects you choose to talk about. –again, for some reason, people like to drop "important" topics into a conversation to show that they are “smart”. But by forcing it, people will see right through you and assume that you are just out to brag (not a good thing). Communicating with tact, like the other traits, is a skill you simply have to learn if you want to be looked at as more than just a stuck up man or woman.
Forth, Being comfortable with who you are. Self-confidence and optimism go a long way to impressing people.
A lot is invested in the first few moments of meeting someone. There are many things you can do to prepare beforehand so that when the opportunity arises you can blow the competition out of the water and make a strong (good) impression. The purpose of a good first impression is to open doors to a future relationship with that person. Think of it as the first brick put on a building.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Steps that Lead up to Marriage
This article has been moved to my new website. I broke it into two articles:
&&
Go read the new articles and check out the new website!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Plan for Marriage
For starters, I want to announce the special occasion that I have moved all of my articles out of facebook and into the blogger website. I have a feeling this will be much easier for me to organize and help people read and follow what I write.
The topic I wanted to write about today goes along well with the last article I wrote about advancing from one step in a relationship to another. This time I’m going to take a step back and explain some situations that lead up to having a relationship. I’ve heard a couple people talk about how they’re still in a certain “stage” of dating. It is implied, with some of these same people who are in that mindset, that these stages require them to perform a specific “type” of date and that they must be done in a set order.
I would describe this as “The Plan for Marriage”.
Their order typically goes something like this:
Mingling – Group dating – Non-committed Dating – Committed Dating – Courting – and then Marriage.
They point out the specifics behind each type of date, and mostly agree with their reasoning but with some differences. There ideas are:
Mingling is more of a pre-step to building a relationship. It’s going to an activity and saying “hi” to someone and meeting them for the first time. Group dating is designed to put them in a non-awkward position where they can get to know a person a little more and decide who they want to single out for the next type of date, Non-Committed dating, which can be double or single dating in their opinion. It is meant to get to know a person even better, but at the same time, such people will also be dating other people so there isn’t really any ties that bind the pair together. Then comes Committed dating where both people agree that they won’t date anyone else and they “test” out the other person to see if they are worthy of advancing to the next stage. Courting is the final stage to “dating” in such people’s mind and is meant to be some sort of pre-engagement as well as full engagement where they work out their final problems before: Nuh nununuhhh! Marriage. Everyone seems to stop there without explaining marriage, so I’m going to assume that I know what they are talking about.
While this “Plan” for dating sounds well and good, I think there are a bunch of missing pieces as well as parts that have been assumed, some of which are assumed incorrectly. Let me proceed to explain my own “Plan” as I feel it might shed some light on this subject.
For the sake of congruency I’m going to use the same names, however, my definition is slightly different:
Mingling – Dating – Courting – Marriage.
Mingling: This seems to be the same as what everyone agrees that it is. You go to parties, you attend events, you go to gatherings with the same interests as you, and you meet people. You find people who you “connect” with or people who you find attractive and you ask for their phone number or some other means of getting ahold of them in the future.
Dating: Here is where the instant difference comes in. This is more like the concept of “Non-committed” dating where you aren’t tied down to anyone but you’re going on dates to get to know the other person, however, I wouldn’t draw a line between the popular definition of committed and non-committed dating. Dating is dating. Your objective should be to decide if you want to settle down with an individual. You can accomplish this in many ways, and I will touch on this a little further on in this article, but essentially there shouldn’t be a need to make this complex.
Courting: This is where I think most people get thrown off. Of all the articles out that that encourage singles to relearn how to court, not many of them go in depth about what it actually is, and those that do still provide a lot of room for misinterpretation. Courting is very similar to the modern term of “boyfriend/girlfriend” or (and here’s the tricky term) “dating” as in, “I am dating Shelby Tang”. Courting could be described as a diplomatic relationship between two people, one male one female. It is typically initiated verbally and though it is slightly binding, it can be dissolved depending on circumstances. The agreed upon terms are that both parties will choose not to date other people. Think of it as an alliance.
This “alliance” brings trust into the relationship; whereas before trust wasn’t a necessary component and either side could pursue other people. This provides the opportunity to test one’s level of trust in a lower-risk situation. Humans have ingrained in them a need to require trust and most social organizations have methods in which trust is secured; whether it is through a written contract, a computer password, or a specific understanding of information, we desire trust and we expect it in every aspect of our lives. While we are courting, we have the opportunity to share personal information with the other person such as our dreams, goals, and life plans. Lasting relationships are based on the things discussed in courting.
Because both parties have agreed to enter into a strict relationship of trust, there is the benefit of increased comfort and security. Without such comfort and security, it would be difficult to cover the necessary volumes of information that is needed before making further commitments to one another.
Marriage: Marriage is that “further commitment”. Once you have courted sufficiently and are comfortable with one another, love one another, are attracted to one another, understand a great deal about one other, and feel completely safe and secure with one another, then the agreement to get married is initiated. This is called engagement. During engagement, courting continues until the wedding day. After they are married, the couple will continue to develop trust for one another, they will continue to grow with one another, they will continue to love one another and be attracted to one another. If courting were compared to an alliance between two countries, marriage would be a complete union of countries where there are no longer two countries but there is only one country. This doesn’t mean that the end is reached; it means that they have fully agreed to never date or look at another person of the opposite sex. This is the ultimate trust, and they do this because of the benefits that come with it. Both parties benefit from making this agreement.
Now to return to the previous point I made. During the dating period, your objective is to decide if you would like to enter into a (courting) relationship with the other person. Finding is not a part of this stage. All of your finding should take place during the “Mingling” stage, so don’t approach a date as though you are going to “find” someone, as you have already found someone. Think of it as digging through a raspberry patch. Once you find a raspberry, you need to decide if it is worth it to eat it right now or to leave it alone and let it develop more and possibly you will return to the raspberry if someone hasn’t already eaten it. Dating is like examining the berry.
That said, I would like to touch on three kinds of dates: Group dates, double dates, and single dates. Group dates are defined as dates in which many people, as a group, do something, anything, that allows them to get to know each of the members in the group better. Double dates are dates in which four people, two guys and two girls, do something, anything, that allows them to get to know each other better. Single dates are dates between two people, a guy and a girl, in which both people get to know each other. They are personal. However, it is important to understand that the more people in the group, the less you will get to know the other people. One reason for this is time. You can only pay attention to one person at a time and since there are more people trying to get your attention, you will not be able to notice everything about everyone. Try reading the first page of 10 books or reading 10 pages of one book, there is a major difference in the amount of information you get from each scenario.
Theoretically, one could say that over time they could get to know everyone in the group if they go on enough dates as a group with them all. Such people fail to recognize another big benefit provided in single dating, and that is privacy. Most people don’t or won’t open up unless there is some level of trust or safety and security provided to them. In a group, some people don’t like to compete for attention, with others all they do is compete for attention. Both types of people are not being themselves; the first will guard their personality and the second will hype up and lie about their personality just to get attention. In order to truly get to know a person, you have to be alone with them. Yes, there is a risk that going on a single date will be awkward, but there is also a risk that it will be amazing and that you will instantly connect with the other person. You will have to take risks in order to marry the perfect person for you.
Group dates are actually a modern invention. The closest thing to a group date over a hundred years ago was a ball, but even balls were more events where everyone was invited to mingle and get to know the other people in their sphere.
There is a line that ought to be drawn by everyone to make the distinction between “finding” people to date and “getting to know” other people. Once you have “found” someone you would like to date, you should take them out on a date and not waste your time trying to “find” out if they are right for you. In other words, don’t mingle when you could be dating. Make dating a priority to mingling. This may simply mean getting a phone number from a girl who you have mingled with already, or it might mean asking a guy out on a date who you already have his number.
Don’t make finding someone you want to spend eternity with into something that is more complex than it has to be and set yourself apart from other people by getting to know someone and determining if they are worthy to court rather than “searching for the one”.
The topic I wanted to write about today goes along well with the last article I wrote about advancing from one step in a relationship to another. This time I’m going to take a step back and explain some situations that lead up to having a relationship. I’ve heard a couple people talk about how they’re still in a certain “stage” of dating. It is implied, with some of these same people who are in that mindset, that these stages require them to perform a specific “type” of date and that they must be done in a set order.
I would describe this as “The Plan for Marriage”.
Their order typically goes something like this:
Mingling – Group dating – Non-committed Dating – Committed Dating – Courting – and then Marriage.
They point out the specifics behind each type of date, and mostly agree with their reasoning but with some differences. There ideas are:
Mingling is more of a pre-step to building a relationship. It’s going to an activity and saying “hi” to someone and meeting them for the first time. Group dating is designed to put them in a non-awkward position where they can get to know a person a little more and decide who they want to single out for the next type of date, Non-Committed dating, which can be double or single dating in their opinion. It is meant to get to know a person even better, but at the same time, such people will also be dating other people so there isn’t really any ties that bind the pair together. Then comes Committed dating where both people agree that they won’t date anyone else and they “test” out the other person to see if they are worthy of advancing to the next stage. Courting is the final stage to “dating” in such people’s mind and is meant to be some sort of pre-engagement as well as full engagement where they work out their final problems before: Nuh nununuhhh! Marriage. Everyone seems to stop there without explaining marriage, so I’m going to assume that I know what they are talking about.
While this “Plan” for dating sounds well and good, I think there are a bunch of missing pieces as well as parts that have been assumed, some of which are assumed incorrectly. Let me proceed to explain my own “Plan” as I feel it might shed some light on this subject.
For the sake of congruency I’m going to use the same names, however, my definition is slightly different:
Mingling – Dating – Courting – Marriage.
Mingling: This seems to be the same as what everyone agrees that it is. You go to parties, you attend events, you go to gatherings with the same interests as you, and you meet people. You find people who you “connect” with or people who you find attractive and you ask for their phone number or some other means of getting ahold of them in the future.
Dating: Here is where the instant difference comes in. This is more like the concept of “Non-committed” dating where you aren’t tied down to anyone but you’re going on dates to get to know the other person, however, I wouldn’t draw a line between the popular definition of committed and non-committed dating. Dating is dating. Your objective should be to decide if you want to settle down with an individual. You can accomplish this in many ways, and I will touch on this a little further on in this article, but essentially there shouldn’t be a need to make this complex.
Courting: This is where I think most people get thrown off. Of all the articles out that that encourage singles to relearn how to court, not many of them go in depth about what it actually is, and those that do still provide a lot of room for misinterpretation. Courting is very similar to the modern term of “boyfriend/girlfriend” or (and here’s the tricky term) “dating” as in, “I am dating Shelby Tang”. Courting could be described as a diplomatic relationship between two people, one male one female. It is typically initiated verbally and though it is slightly binding, it can be dissolved depending on circumstances. The agreed upon terms are that both parties will choose not to date other people. Think of it as an alliance.
This “alliance” brings trust into the relationship; whereas before trust wasn’t a necessary component and either side could pursue other people. This provides the opportunity to test one’s level of trust in a lower-risk situation. Humans have ingrained in them a need to require trust and most social organizations have methods in which trust is secured; whether it is through a written contract, a computer password, or a specific understanding of information, we desire trust and we expect it in every aspect of our lives. While we are courting, we have the opportunity to share personal information with the other person such as our dreams, goals, and life plans. Lasting relationships are based on the things discussed in courting.
Because both parties have agreed to enter into a strict relationship of trust, there is the benefit of increased comfort and security. Without such comfort and security, it would be difficult to cover the necessary volumes of information that is needed before making further commitments to one another.
Marriage: Marriage is that “further commitment”. Once you have courted sufficiently and are comfortable with one another, love one another, are attracted to one another, understand a great deal about one other, and feel completely safe and secure with one another, then the agreement to get married is initiated. This is called engagement. During engagement, courting continues until the wedding day. After they are married, the couple will continue to develop trust for one another, they will continue to grow with one another, they will continue to love one another and be attracted to one another. If courting were compared to an alliance between two countries, marriage would be a complete union of countries where there are no longer two countries but there is only one country. This doesn’t mean that the end is reached; it means that they have fully agreed to never date or look at another person of the opposite sex. This is the ultimate trust, and they do this because of the benefits that come with it. Both parties benefit from making this agreement.
Now to return to the previous point I made. During the dating period, your objective is to decide if you would like to enter into a (courting) relationship with the other person. Finding is not a part of this stage. All of your finding should take place during the “Mingling” stage, so don’t approach a date as though you are going to “find” someone, as you have already found someone. Think of it as digging through a raspberry patch. Once you find a raspberry, you need to decide if it is worth it to eat it right now or to leave it alone and let it develop more and possibly you will return to the raspberry if someone hasn’t already eaten it. Dating is like examining the berry.
That said, I would like to touch on three kinds of dates: Group dates, double dates, and single dates. Group dates are defined as dates in which many people, as a group, do something, anything, that allows them to get to know each of the members in the group better. Double dates are dates in which four people, two guys and two girls, do something, anything, that allows them to get to know each other better. Single dates are dates between two people, a guy and a girl, in which both people get to know each other. They are personal. However, it is important to understand that the more people in the group, the less you will get to know the other people. One reason for this is time. You can only pay attention to one person at a time and since there are more people trying to get your attention, you will not be able to notice everything about everyone. Try reading the first page of 10 books or reading 10 pages of one book, there is a major difference in the amount of information you get from each scenario.
Theoretically, one could say that over time they could get to know everyone in the group if they go on enough dates as a group with them all. Such people fail to recognize another big benefit provided in single dating, and that is privacy. Most people don’t or won’t open up unless there is some level of trust or safety and security provided to them. In a group, some people don’t like to compete for attention, with others all they do is compete for attention. Both types of people are not being themselves; the first will guard their personality and the second will hype up and lie about their personality just to get attention. In order to truly get to know a person, you have to be alone with them. Yes, there is a risk that going on a single date will be awkward, but there is also a risk that it will be amazing and that you will instantly connect with the other person. You will have to take risks in order to marry the perfect person for you.
Group dates are actually a modern invention. The closest thing to a group date over a hundred years ago was a ball, but even balls were more events where everyone was invited to mingle and get to know the other people in their sphere.
There is a line that ought to be drawn by everyone to make the distinction between “finding” people to date and “getting to know” other people. Once you have “found” someone you would like to date, you should take them out on a date and not waste your time trying to “find” out if they are right for you. In other words, don’t mingle when you could be dating. Make dating a priority to mingling. This may simply mean getting a phone number from a girl who you have mingled with already, or it might mean asking a guy out on a date who you already have his number.
Don’t make finding someone you want to spend eternity with into something that is more complex than it has to be and set yourself apart from other people by getting to know someone and determining if they are worthy to court rather than “searching for the one”.
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