Dealing with and Dating Obnoxious Men and Women

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Why Relationships Matter So Much

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As you read from the many articles on this website, you might reach a point where you ask yourself this question: “Why is having such an in-depth understanding of dating, relationships, and marriage so important?” But, when you understand the importance of these functions, you will recognize your true potential, see the big picture, and you will have a desire to achieve success in this area of your life. It will make your life much better, you will be happier and you will enjoy your life much more.
Having an understanding of how this complex system called “relationships” works and how you can take the most advantage of this social system will help you make educated, conscious choices. It will empower you and help you to refine your character. It will make you into a better person and can help you gain the skills to change other people’s lives for the better.

I have divided this article into three segments: Marriage, Relationships, and Dating. It is my hope that these segments will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the significance of their functions. You need them, and you should approach them seriously.

Marriage
Aside from any obvious reasons why you would want to get married, there are several reasons why you need to get married, and the sooner you do so the better your life will be. You are incomplete without the opposite sex; without a husband or wife, you will reach a point where your progression halts; and without the opposite sex it would be impossible to fulfill ALL of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Progression is good, and you have a natural tendency to desire progression because you are a child of God and naturally want to become like him. When you choose to postpone marriage, or even to put it off entirely, you hinder your own progression throughmissed opportunities and failing to have certain experiences. Hard experiences build character, and having a spouse can by very trying on your patience; but God wants you to have those trying experiences because it will help you progress and become like him.
You cannot do everything in life on your own. There are many things that you simply cannot do at all but need the vicarious help of others in order to accomplish them. Particularly, you cannot have and raise children properly if you do not get married. Children benefit immensely from having both a father and a mother who love each other, worship God, and love them (the children). If you do not get married, you will remain incomplete and incapable of doing many things in the best way.








In order to fulfill all of your physical, mental and emotional needs, you will need the help of the opposite sex. Physical (particularly sexual) desires are a sacred, necessary, and beneficial aspect of life. They lead you to use heavenly powers to procreate and help bring God’s spirit children into this world. Mental desires work in the same manner: you have the desire to be among equals intellectually and to be working with others towards common goals; having these desires help you to progress and, as anyone who has experienced the addictive feeling of learning something new will understand, the more you learn the more you will want to learn. Emotionally, you have the desire to build trusting relationships with other people. Without a close group of people who you could trust, you would suffer from loneliness, depression, and other emotional problems.
You have an innate need to fulfill these desires and without the opposite sex you will be left unsatisfied. Any attempts to fulfill your physical desires on your own will leave you forever wanting and can lead you to severe problems. The same is true with people who advance intellectually but are unequalled in their intelligence: they recognize that knowledge serves no purpose when it is not applied and it is kept to their selves; and you would have a challenging and conflicting life if there was no one you could trust. Regardless of the specific outcome of failing to fulfill your needs, the general result is sadness; you will be unhappy whenever you fail to fulfill those desires at the time they come knocking.
There is no need for you to postpone marriage; in fact, it should be something you work out quickly. You will find, after marriage, that not everything about your wife or husband is what you expected. Part of your progression is learning to look past your wife’s or husband’s faults and support them when they struggle. No two people are really “perfect” for each other when they start out; it takes several years for two people to truly “fit” (the common estimate is 7 years).
When you look at your life on the eternal spectrum, this life is a very small speck, barely noticeable compared to the billions of years before and after. Your soul is eternal and the hundred years that your life on earth contains are very minor. You will spend many more years of your existence married than you spend single. If you really want to be married for eternity to someone, it would be better for you to enter that stage of life sooner than to post-pone the inevitable. Imagine the ‘married stage’ as your final state, just like a frog starts as a pollywog and morphs into a creature with traits of half-pollywog-half-frog before turning into a frog, you have no need to teeter in both worlds when you could as easily reach your true state. Again, you are incomplete without the opposite sex; it is expected for you to one day marry for eternity to reach your “completed” state. (This is often why people who are newly married claim their spouse “completes them”)
In a good marriage, you can fulfill ALL of your desires, you will not be limited in your progression, and therefore you will not be “incomplete”. Your physical needs will not have to be completely bridled. You will be able to learn from one another and help fulfill each other’s mental needs. Also, you will always have someone who you can trust and turn to for emotional support.
Marriage is a specific type of relationship in which the ultimate level of trust is agreed upon by both parties; that means that when you agree to marry someone, you agree to the highest level of trust. Complete fidelity helps maintain your emotional, physical, and mental needs by ensuring that you will have a reliable source capable of fulfilling those needs. When you remain single, you hold things back from those you date because you lack that high level of trust, even if only on a subconscious level. You also spread yourself thin when you continue to date multiple people because you cannot fully commit to any of them and so none of them are given the chance to see all of you.

Relationships
“Relationships” is a loose term that includes acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancés, and husbands and wives, among other things. Forming relationships is a good thing. Humans are social animals; they require the help of others in order to survive. The type of relationship that you have with another person is based on your interaction with that individual and the type of “compacts” you have formed with them. You subconsciously make generic connections to people that reference the type of relationship that you have with them. With this subconscious understanding, you are able to respond to their actions in an “acceptable” manner. For example, you do not passionately kiss your friends the way you would with your spouse.

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What Society Got Wrong about Love

Let me first re-state something I’ve only briefly touched on in a few of my articles: you can grow to love anyone. There is an ancient debate about what Truth is—whether there is such a thing as absolute truth or whether all truth is relative. But if you believe in one true God, you already know that there is such a thing as absolute truth and that God knows all truth—whether or not we as mere mortals understand the truth or not. Therefore, the definition of Love has one actual definition; we just may not understand it yet. In fact, societies have misused the term to the point where it has strayed from the original truth it once held.—Simply put, society has love mixed up with other things.








There are two primary concepts that society associates with the word “love”; neither are 100% accurate:
The first concept can be replaced with the word “passion”, or the sexual desire for another person. This sexual desire is the combination of psychological connections and chemical reactions that your body produces. (e.g. hormones, etc.)
The second concept frequently associated with the word “love” has a few different terms that are synonymous with it, such as “the warm fuzzy feeling” and the “feeling like you can’t live without them”, or in other words, that you want to be around them all the time. This type of “love” is associated with the feeling of excitement; it is often the deciding factor when someone says they “click” with their partner. For lack of a better word, this concept will be labeled “infatuation” for the rest of this article.

Neither of these concepts can be limited to just one person of the opposite sex, because you can be infatuated with a couple different people at once, and you can obviously feel passion for many people of the opposite sex. You can even have a passionate, chemical or psychological, connection with someone of the same sex; but
again, neither of these two concepts are 100% accurate about love. When used together, these terms come close to the true meaning of Love.—Passion and infatuation are both a part of love, but there is more to the true meaning of love than just these two byproducts of it.

Love is primarily a verb, or an action word, that over time has been modified in the English lexicon to also become a noun. There are several languages that separate the verb from the noun and there are many languages that separate the word for passion from the word for infatuation.
This may appear obvious, but love also isn’t limited to male-female relationships, but over time, the word changed significantly enough for people to stop using it as often in other senses. For instance, “The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (Samuel 18:1). This is a good example of an old, accurate use of the word. David, who later became King David and Jonathan, the son of the present king, were very close friends. They cared for one another, they understood one another. They wanted to remain in each other’s lives; and because of this Jonathan did everything he could to prevent King Saul from killing David. We can learn from this story that another part of love is caring for another individual, sometimes going beyond our comfort zone to do so.

Another good illustration of the concepts above would be when your mother gave birth to you. She put aside her physical well-being to bring you into the world. There were plenty of chemicals and other things floating around at the time and you both shared a very close physical connection (passion). She was also obviously obsessed with you and probably felt like she wouldn’t want to live if you died*(infatuation). But she also cared deeply about you and wanted you to have a successful life; she risked her own life in order for you to have yours (caring). Thankfully, you survived birth and are here today because of that Love.

The best example of Love is actually the Savior. He gave up his entire life up, from birth to death, in order to make it possible for you to one day have a perfect body and become sinless and return to Heavenly Father’s presence. He suffered, He bled from every pore, He took on the consequences of your sins, and He died publicly on the cross because He loved you. He also loved Heavenly Father, which is why He did everything He was told to do.—You can learn a lot about Love by studying the Atonement, [i.e. praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, the Death on the cross, and the Resurrection from the tomb].

Even though society, or the world, might have multiple uses for the word “love”, there is only one kind of Love. Passion and Infatuation might be aspects, or rather byproducts of love; but the real kind of love is manifested when you put yourself out of your comfort zone in order to help other people. It is selflessness and charity. The same kind of love that you have for your parents and family members now will be the same kind of love that you will have for your future spouse, and before you can find someone who will love you in this way, you will need to learn to love her or him this way.

Love is an essential part of having a relationship; it can very powerful as well. It is likely that the people who you think are the best people ever, the ones you look up to, are also incredibly loving people. They have a way of loving everyone around them and because of this, it is easy for you to love and look up to them. But not everyone is easy to love; with some people it can be very difficult to look past their faults and flaws and all of the hurt and pain they have caused you in the past.
We are encouraged by the Savior to “love one another”, to care about them, to take an interest in their lives and to assist them with whatever they stand in need of. The Savior wouldn’t give us such a commandment if we couldn’t fulfill it; and if we can grow to care about anyone then we have the hardest part of love figured out--the other two, after all, can become byproducts.

Remember the initial statement: “You can grow to Love anyone?” Well, you can also cause anyone to love you. If you have a little bit of knowledge, you can create Passion in other people; you can build yourself up and become interesting and put yourself into a position for people to be Infatuated with you; last of all, if you do the right things, you can give people the opportunity to Care about you.

Just like you can and should forgive everyone, you can also love anyone you choose. You can care about another person and feel infatuated with them. This is an exciting bit of information because it puts agency in your hands. You have a choice in the matter of “falling in love”. It isn’t just some random thing that happens to two people. It isn’t a matter of fate. This also means that there isn’t such a thing as “one true love”**, and any two people can love each other in the necessary way for a lasting relationship.

The absolute truth behind love is that any two people can love each other and be perfectly happy spending the eternities together.

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*If you’ve ever met anyone who has lost a baby at birth you’ll understand what I mean when I make that statement.
**This is another term that has multiple meanings and confusion in society. I’m referring to the definition that there isn’t just one person out there who you are destined to fall in love with.