Recap: It is good for you to not exclusively date anyone until he or she has made an agreement with you not to date other people. You can improve your chances of finding your future spouse and you can build a better relationship with the people you date if you initially date multiple people at the same time. Not only do you have more chances and less risk, but you will also be less stressful and more open around the ones you are dating.
Showing posts with label chances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chances. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Foundations: Episode 15
Recap: It is good for you to not exclusively date anyone until he or she has made an agreement with you not to date other people. You can improve your chances of finding your future spouse and you can build a better relationship with the people you date if you initially date multiple people at the same time. Not only do you have more chances and less risk, but you will also be less stressful and more open around the ones you are dating.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Foundations Episode 10
This article has been replaced and expanded by a couple of better versions(sorry, non-video) on my new blog: RDC Coaching
Here is the new article: Why ALL Relationships are Risks
New Podcast: Common Relationship Cycle #2 - Walking Away
You can still watch the old video on my youtube page here.
Here is the new article: Why ALL Relationships are Risks
New Podcast: Common Relationship Cycle #2 - Walking Away
You can still watch the old video on my youtube page here.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Foundations Episode 6
Recap:
Most women don't get asked out on dates. That means that women who take initiative and ask men are 10x more successful than those who do not, and men who take initiative and ask women out have nothing to fear about getting a first date.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Foundations Episode 4
The best pickup lines are simple.--You don't need to use pickup lines to get someone's number. In fact, making a complex pickup line can make you come across like a weirdo. Keep it simple and don't be cheesy.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Why Relationships Matter So Much
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As you read from the many articles on this website, you might reach a point where you ask yourself this question: “Why is having such an in-depth understanding of dating, relationships, and marriage so important?” But, when you understand the importance of these functions, you will recognize your true potential, see the big picture, and you will have a desire to achieve success in this area of your life. It will make your life much better, you will be happier and you will enjoy your life much more.
Having an understanding of how this complex system called “relationships” works and how you can take the most advantage of this social system will help you make educated, conscious choices. It will empower you and help you to refine your character. It will make you into a better person and can help you gain the skills to change other people’s lives for the better.
I have divided this article into three segments: Marriage, Relationships, and Dating. It is my hope that these segments will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the significance of their functions. You need them, and you should approach them seriously.
Marriage
Aside from any obvious reasons why you would want to get married, there are several reasons why you need to get married, and the sooner you do so the better your life will be. You are incomplete without the opposite sex; without a husband or wife, you will reach a point where your progression halts; and without the opposite sex it would be impossible to fulfill ALL of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Progression is good, and you have a natural tendency to desire progression because you are a child of God and naturally want to become like him. When you choose to postpone marriage, or even to put it off entirely, you hinder your own progression throughmissed opportunities and failing to have certain experiences. Hard experiences build character, and having a spouse can by very trying on your patience; but God wants you to have those trying experiences because it will help you progress and become like him.
You cannot do everything in life on your own. There are many things that you simply cannot do at all but need the vicarious help of others in order to accomplish them. Particularly, you cannot have and raise children properly if you do not get married. Children benefit immensely from having both a father and a mother who love each other, worship God, and love them (the children). If you do not get married, you will remain incomplete and incapable of doing many things in the best way.
In order to fulfill all of your physical, mental and emotional needs, you will need the help of the opposite sex. Physical (particularly sexual) desires are a sacred, necessary, and beneficial aspect of life. They lead you to use heavenly powers to procreate and help bring God’s spirit children into this world. Mental desires work in the same manner: you have the desire to be among equals intellectually and to be working with others towards common goals; having these desires help you to progress and, as anyone who has experienced the addictive feeling of learning something new will understand, the more you learn the more you will want to learn. Emotionally, you have the desire to build trusting relationships with other people. Without a close group of people who you could trust, you would suffer from loneliness, depression, and other emotional problems.
You have an innate need to fulfill these desires and without the opposite sex you will be left unsatisfied. Any attempts to fulfill your physical desires on your own will leave you forever wanting and can lead you to severe problems. The same is true with people who advance intellectually but are unequalled in their intelligence: they recognize that knowledge serves no purpose when it is not applied and it is kept to their selves; and you would have a challenging and conflicting life if there was no one you could trust. Regardless of the specific outcome of failing to fulfill your needs, the general result is sadness; you will be unhappy whenever you fail to fulfill those desires at the time they come knocking.
There is no need for you to postpone marriage; in fact, it should be something you work out quickly. You will find, after marriage, that not everything about your wife or husband is what you expected. Part of your progression is learning to look past your wife’s or husband’s faults and support them when they struggle. No two people are really “perfect” for each other when they start out; it takes several years for two people to truly “fit” (the common estimate is 7 years).
When you look at your life on the eternal spectrum, this life is a very small speck, barely noticeable compared to the billions of years before and after. Your soul is eternal and the hundred years that your life on earth contains are very minor. You will spend many more years of your existence married than you spend single. If you really want to be married for eternity to someone, it would be better for you to enter that stage of life sooner than to post-pone the inevitable. Imagine the ‘married stage’ as your final state, just like a frog starts as a pollywog and morphs into a creature with traits of half-pollywog-half-frog before turning into a frog, you have no need to teeter in both worlds when you could as easily reach your true state. Again, you are incomplete without the opposite sex; it is expected for you to one day marry for eternity to reach your “completed” state. (This is often why people who are newly married claim their spouse “completes them”)
In a good marriage, you can fulfill ALL of your desires, you will not be limited in your progression, and therefore you will not be “incomplete”. Your physical needs will not have to be completely bridled. You will be able to learn from one another and help fulfill each other’s mental needs. Also, you will always have someone who you can trust and turn to for emotional support.
Marriage is a specific type of relationship in which the ultimate level of trust is agreed upon by both parties; that means that when you agree to marry someone, you agree to the highest level of trust. Complete fidelity helps maintain your emotional, physical, and mental needs by ensuring that you will have a reliable source capable of fulfilling those needs. When you remain single, you hold things back from those you date because you lack that high level of trust, even if only on a subconscious level. You also spread yourself thin when you continue to date multiple people because you cannot fully commit to any of them and so none of them are given the chance to see all of you.
Relationships
“Relationships” is a loose term that includes acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancés, and husbands and wives, among other things. Forming relationships is a good thing. Humans are social animals; they require the help of others in order to survive. The type of relationship that you have with another person is based on your interaction with that individual and the type of “compacts” you have formed with them. You subconsciously make generic connections to people that reference the type of relationship that you have with them. With this subconscious understanding, you are able to respond to their actions in an “acceptable” manner. For example, you do not passionately kiss your friends the way you would with your spouse.
[Next Page]
As you read from the many articles on this website, you might reach a point where you ask yourself this question: “Why is having such an in-depth understanding of dating, relationships, and marriage so important?” But, when you understand the importance of these functions, you will recognize your true potential, see the big picture, and you will have a desire to achieve success in this area of your life. It will make your life much better, you will be happier and you will enjoy your life much more.
Having an understanding of how this complex system called “relationships” works and how you can take the most advantage of this social system will help you make educated, conscious choices. It will empower you and help you to refine your character. It will make you into a better person and can help you gain the skills to change other people’s lives for the better.
I have divided this article into three segments: Marriage, Relationships, and Dating. It is my hope that these segments will provide you with an in-depth understanding of the significance of their functions. You need them, and you should approach them seriously.
Marriage
Aside from any obvious reasons why you would want to get married, there are several reasons why you need to get married, and the sooner you do so the better your life will be. You are incomplete without the opposite sex; without a husband or wife, you will reach a point where your progression halts; and without the opposite sex it would be impossible to fulfill ALL of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Progression is good, and you have a natural tendency to desire progression because you are a child of God and naturally want to become like him. When you choose to postpone marriage, or even to put it off entirely, you hinder your own progression throughmissed opportunities and failing to have certain experiences. Hard experiences build character, and having a spouse can by very trying on your patience; but God wants you to have those trying experiences because it will help you progress and become like him.
You cannot do everything in life on your own. There are many things that you simply cannot do at all but need the vicarious help of others in order to accomplish them. Particularly, you cannot have and raise children properly if you do not get married. Children benefit immensely from having both a father and a mother who love each other, worship God, and love them (the children). If you do not get married, you will remain incomplete and incapable of doing many things in the best way.
In order to fulfill all of your physical, mental and emotional needs, you will need the help of the opposite sex. Physical (particularly sexual) desires are a sacred, necessary, and beneficial aspect of life. They lead you to use heavenly powers to procreate and help bring God’s spirit children into this world. Mental desires work in the same manner: you have the desire to be among equals intellectually and to be working with others towards common goals; having these desires help you to progress and, as anyone who has experienced the addictive feeling of learning something new will understand, the more you learn the more you will want to learn. Emotionally, you have the desire to build trusting relationships with other people. Without a close group of people who you could trust, you would suffer from loneliness, depression, and other emotional problems.
You have an innate need to fulfill these desires and without the opposite sex you will be left unsatisfied. Any attempts to fulfill your physical desires on your own will leave you forever wanting and can lead you to severe problems. The same is true with people who advance intellectually but are unequalled in their intelligence: they recognize that knowledge serves no purpose when it is not applied and it is kept to their selves; and you would have a challenging and conflicting life if there was no one you could trust. Regardless of the specific outcome of failing to fulfill your needs, the general result is sadness; you will be unhappy whenever you fail to fulfill those desires at the time they come knocking.
There is no need for you to postpone marriage; in fact, it should be something you work out quickly. You will find, after marriage, that not everything about your wife or husband is what you expected. Part of your progression is learning to look past your wife’s or husband’s faults and support them when they struggle. No two people are really “perfect” for each other when they start out; it takes several years for two people to truly “fit” (the common estimate is 7 years).
When you look at your life on the eternal spectrum, this life is a very small speck, barely noticeable compared to the billions of years before and after. Your soul is eternal and the hundred years that your life on earth contains are very minor. You will spend many more years of your existence married than you spend single. If you really want to be married for eternity to someone, it would be better for you to enter that stage of life sooner than to post-pone the inevitable. Imagine the ‘married stage’ as your final state, just like a frog starts as a pollywog and morphs into a creature with traits of half-pollywog-half-frog before turning into a frog, you have no need to teeter in both worlds when you could as easily reach your true state. Again, you are incomplete without the opposite sex; it is expected for you to one day marry for eternity to reach your “completed” state. (This is often why people who are newly married claim their spouse “completes them”)
In a good marriage, you can fulfill ALL of your desires, you will not be limited in your progression, and therefore you will not be “incomplete”. Your physical needs will not have to be completely bridled. You will be able to learn from one another and help fulfill each other’s mental needs. Also, you will always have someone who you can trust and turn to for emotional support.
Marriage is a specific type of relationship in which the ultimate level of trust is agreed upon by both parties; that means that when you agree to marry someone, you agree to the highest level of trust. Complete fidelity helps maintain your emotional, physical, and mental needs by ensuring that you will have a reliable source capable of fulfilling those needs. When you remain single, you hold things back from those you date because you lack that high level of trust, even if only on a subconscious level. You also spread yourself thin when you continue to date multiple people because you cannot fully commit to any of them and so none of them are given the chance to see all of you.
Relationships
“Relationships” is a loose term that includes acquaintances, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, fiancés, and husbands and wives, among other things. Forming relationships is a good thing. Humans are social animals; they require the help of others in order to survive. The type of relationship that you have with another person is based on your interaction with that individual and the type of “compacts” you have formed with them. You subconsciously make generic connections to people that reference the type of relationship that you have with them. With this subconscious understanding, you are able to respond to their actions in an “acceptable” manner. For example, you do not passionately kiss your friends the way you would with your spouse.
[Next Page]
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What to do When You Have a Broken Heart
At least once in your lifetime, you will likely experience what it feels like to have your heart broken. It is the feeling of emotional pain after losing something that you are attached to. Perhaps you have asked yourself these questions after the experience:
It is okay to feel this kind of emotional pain; you feel heart broken when you get attached to someone and you realize that you cannot be with them anymore. It can happen when someone close to you dies, moves away, or breaks up with you; and it can even happen when you are rejected by someone you like.
When you are heart broken, you might feel like it would be hard for you to go back to caring about someone else—that somehow the pain you feel now will never be replaced, and that it’s just not worth it to find someone else to get attached to. However, there is hope. You will get over them, you will move on and eventually everything will work out.
But before things will heal and before the pain goes away, you need to change a few things in your life. Many people, when they get into this situation, spend their time sulking around. -–This is not good for you. You should avoid anything that makes you feel “comfortable” with your present situation. This includes depressing or angry music or support groups that merely amount to criticizing the other person. Instead, you should do things that are positive, listen to good music, do things that will make you happy, and stop analyzing the situation. Try spending more time with your friends or going out to meet new people.
Having a broken heart, such as this, is just one of many of the experiences you will have to face in life. You will learn many things each time that it happens to you. Having your heart broken helps you to learn to be less selfish, it helps you to appreciate those people who are already a part of your life, and it helps you to better appreciate the person who you will eventually spend eternity with. Just like any other trial, God allows this to happen for your own good; but also like any other trial, He will help you through it if you turn to Him.
Simply put, there isn’t any one way to avoid getting heart broken in the future. You will have your up periods and your down times regardless of what you do. The important thing is that you keep moving forward.
If it happens to you frequently, you might feel frustrated enough that you would want to give up all together. You could develop a fear of getting hurt and that fear could lead you to also fear taking risks. But, you cannot go through life without taking risks. Everyone is afraid of taking risks, most people are afraid of failure, but who is the author of fear and doubt? Who wants you to fail in life? --Satan does. God wants you to succeed! He wants you to be happy, and he wants you to not only find the things that will bring you joy in life, but to also hold onto them. What more would Heavenly Father want for you then to get married in His holy house?
You essentially have the three most powerful people in universe on your side The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, you cannot fail.
Let me put things into perspective: Why do we risk embarrassment when we ask her for her number? Why do we take the risk of being rejected when we are asking a guy on a date? Why do we risk telling her how we feel about her even though she might not feel the same way? Why do we spend so much time with him instead of doing other things that will aid us in the future? Why do we risk being turned down when we propose to her? -–Simply put, because it is worth it. When you do these things, you at least have the chance of great things happening, but when you do none of them-—if you take a passenger’s seat ride through life—-you have no chance of great things happening for you.
You cannot go through life expecting good things to happen for you when you have done nothing to make them happen. This is a fairy-tale/fantasy mindset. In the real world, people are blessed based on what they work for and the kinds of risks that they take; the greater the risk, the greater the blessing. The harder you work for success with the risks you take, the more likely they will work in your favor. The same is true when it comes to dating.--If you truly want to get married some day so that you don't spend your life alone, then you need to take those scary, and often heart-breaking, risks and hope for the best. You never know how well things will turn out until you try for them.
And if this doesn't seem to help you, your parents, your bishop, your stake president, all of the prophets, Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father have all promised you that getting married in the temple will be worth it. There should be no doubt in your mind as to whether this is true. So the next time that you are about to take some form of risk that is a step towards a temple marriage, whether it is flirting with the guy around the corner or asking a girl on a date, remember that it will be incredibly worth it in the end; and the Lord will be on your side to help you succeed.
- Why do I feel this way?
- It hurts so bad that I wonder, is it really worth it?
- What can I do to avoid getting hurt in the future?
- How do I get over losing him or her?
It is okay to feel this kind of emotional pain; you feel heart broken when you get attached to someone and you realize that you cannot be with them anymore. It can happen when someone close to you dies, moves away, or breaks up with you; and it can even happen when you are rejected by someone you like.
When you are heart broken, you might feel like it would be hard for you to go back to caring about someone else—that somehow the pain you feel now will never be replaced, and that it’s just not worth it to find someone else to get attached to. However, there is hope. You will get over them, you will move on and eventually everything will work out.
But before things will heal and before the pain goes away, you need to change a few things in your life. Many people, when they get into this situation, spend their time sulking around. -–This is not good for you. You should avoid anything that makes you feel “comfortable” with your present situation. This includes depressing or angry music or support groups that merely amount to criticizing the other person. Instead, you should do things that are positive, listen to good music, do things that will make you happy, and stop analyzing the situation. Try spending more time with your friends or going out to meet new people.
Having a broken heart, such as this, is just one of many of the experiences you will have to face in life. You will learn many things each time that it happens to you. Having your heart broken helps you to learn to be less selfish, it helps you to appreciate those people who are already a part of your life, and it helps you to better appreciate the person who you will eventually spend eternity with. Just like any other trial, God allows this to happen for your own good; but also like any other trial, He will help you through it if you turn to Him.
Simply put, there isn’t any one way to avoid getting heart broken in the future. You will have your up periods and your down times regardless of what you do. The important thing is that you keep moving forward.
If it happens to you frequently, you might feel frustrated enough that you would want to give up all together. You could develop a fear of getting hurt and that fear could lead you to also fear taking risks. But, you cannot go through life without taking risks. Everyone is afraid of taking risks, most people are afraid of failure, but who is the author of fear and doubt? Who wants you to fail in life? --Satan does. God wants you to succeed! He wants you to be happy, and he wants you to not only find the things that will bring you joy in life, but to also hold onto them. What more would Heavenly Father want for you then to get married in His holy house?
You essentially have the three most powerful people in universe on your side The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, you cannot fail.
Let me put things into perspective: Why do we risk embarrassment when we ask her for her number? Why do we take the risk of being rejected when we are asking a guy on a date? Why do we risk telling her how we feel about her even though she might not feel the same way? Why do we spend so much time with him instead of doing other things that will aid us in the future? Why do we risk being turned down when we propose to her? -–Simply put, because it is worth it. When you do these things, you at least have the chance of great things happening, but when you do none of them-—if you take a passenger’s seat ride through life—-you have no chance of great things happening for you.
You cannot go through life expecting good things to happen for you when you have done nothing to make them happen. This is a fairy-tale/fantasy mindset. In the real world, people are blessed based on what they work for and the kinds of risks that they take; the greater the risk, the greater the blessing. The harder you work for success with the risks you take, the more likely they will work in your favor. The same is true when it comes to dating.--If you truly want to get married some day so that you don't spend your life alone, then you need to take those scary, and often heart-breaking, risks and hope for the best. You never know how well things will turn out until you try for them.
And if this doesn't seem to help you, your parents, your bishop, your stake president, all of the prophets, Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father have all promised you that getting married in the temple will be worth it. There should be no doubt in your mind as to whether this is true. So the next time that you are about to take some form of risk that is a step towards a temple marriage, whether it is flirting with the guy around the corner or asking a girl on a date, remember that it will be incredibly worth it in the end; and the Lord will be on your side to help you succeed.
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